My sweet, sensitive little two-year old is a bully. There's no sugar coating it... she is a little bugger to her friends at daycare. Okay, not all of her friends... just one. The weak one. At two years old, Gracie has already learned to signal out the weak in the crowd, and torment them merciously until they cry and become afraid of her. Gracie has told me that this little girl still uses a soother all day and cries all the time. I don't know if it's true, but my snob of a daughter apparently looks down on such behaviour!
This isn't a behaviour or an attitude that we've taught her. But we're doing our damnedest to unteach her! It started a few months ago... I picked Gracie up and asked Nancy how she was. "Wellllll...." Nancy said. "She hit *insert little girl's name here*. A few times. I gave her a time-out, but as soon as she was out, she hit her again." So Gracie and I had a very severe talk that night about how we don't hit our friends. The next day I picked her up and asked Nancy how she was. "Welllll....." Nancy said, "she didn't hit today. But she kept pushing *little girl*" So Gracie and I had a very severe talk that night about how we don't hit or push our friends. The next I picked her up and asked Nancy how she was. "Welllll...." Nancy said, "she didn't hit or push, but she's pinching." So that night Gracie and I had a very severe discussion about all of the things we don't do to our friends. We don't hit, we don't kick, we don't push, we don't spit, and we don't pinch!! I missed the important one... and the one we're having problems with now....
"So Nancy, how was she today?" Nancy wouldn't make eye contact. I thought to myself, "Oh God, Gracie. What did you do?!" "She's biting." Oh no!!!! I did not want one of my kids to be a biter! I didn't even wait until we got home. We had a very severe discussion right there in the driveway. Biting was absolutely not acceptable! But the biting continued. Each day that it happened, we would talk about it at night and it wouldn't happen the next day. But every other day, she was biting this poor girl. Nancy was putting her in timeout and disciplining her, so it wasn't accepted at Nancy's house. But Gracie kept on doing it. The final straw for me was when Nancy told me that Gracie went up to the little girl while she sleeping and bit her on the leg. She bit her right through her jeans and left teeth marks on her leg. I was appalled! Gracie and I had a very intense conversation in the driveway right then. I was very angry with her! That night while we were playing on the floor, I asked why Gracie kept being mean to the little girl. Gracie just gave me the standard two-year-old answer, "I don't know." We talked about how we have to be nice to our friends, and how our friends are nice to us. Then I asked her, "Gracie, has anybody ever bitten you?" and Gracie said no. I said, "do you know that biting hurts? It hurts so much it can make a little girl cry!" and Gracie said no. I asked her if I could show her what biting feels like. She said yes. And so I bit her.
I know what they say... that you can't (and absolutely should not!!) teach kids not to bite by biting them. But I didn't do this in the heat of the moment. I didn't do it immediately after she had done it to somebody else. We were having a discussion about biting and how it hurts, and I asked her if I could show her what the little girl felt like when Gracie bit her. I did it after everything else didn't work!
Poor Gracie's mouth dropped open and she just stared at me. Then she started to sputter, "Mm..mmm...mama!! That hurts!" She whimpered a little bit, but didn't cry. I kissed her better, and asked her if she thought that little girl felt the same way when she bit her. She told me "I will never bite her again. Never, ever, ever again." And so far... she hasn't!
Every day since, I have picked Gracie up and she runs to me and says, "I no hitting, no pushing, no spitting, and NOOOOO biting!" She's very excited, and once I get the "nod" from Nancy confirming that it was, in fact, a good day, she gets the biggest hug from me!! Here's hoping our little bully has had the bully taken out of her... and she stops making little girls cry!!
This isn't a behaviour or an attitude that we've taught her. But we're doing our damnedest to unteach her! It started a few months ago... I picked Gracie up and asked Nancy how she was. "Wellllll...." Nancy said. "She hit *insert little girl's name here*. A few times. I gave her a time-out, but as soon as she was out, she hit her again." So Gracie and I had a very severe talk that night about how we don't hit our friends. The next day I picked her up and asked Nancy how she was. "Welllll....." Nancy said, "she didn't hit today. But she kept pushing *little girl*" So Gracie and I had a very severe talk that night about how we don't hit or push our friends. The next I picked her up and asked Nancy how she was. "Welllll...." Nancy said, "she didn't hit or push, but she's pinching." So that night Gracie and I had a very severe discussion about all of the things we don't do to our friends. We don't hit, we don't kick, we don't push, we don't spit, and we don't pinch!! I missed the important one... and the one we're having problems with now....
"So Nancy, how was she today?" Nancy wouldn't make eye contact. I thought to myself, "Oh God, Gracie. What did you do?!" "She's biting." Oh no!!!! I did not want one of my kids to be a biter! I didn't even wait until we got home. We had a very severe discussion right there in the driveway. Biting was absolutely not acceptable! But the biting continued. Each day that it happened, we would talk about it at night and it wouldn't happen the next day. But every other day, she was biting this poor girl. Nancy was putting her in timeout and disciplining her, so it wasn't accepted at Nancy's house. But Gracie kept on doing it. The final straw for me was when Nancy told me that Gracie went up to the little girl while she sleeping and bit her on the leg. She bit her right through her jeans and left teeth marks on her leg. I was appalled! Gracie and I had a very intense conversation in the driveway right then. I was very angry with her! That night while we were playing on the floor, I asked why Gracie kept being mean to the little girl. Gracie just gave me the standard two-year-old answer, "I don't know." We talked about how we have to be nice to our friends, and how our friends are nice to us. Then I asked her, "Gracie, has anybody ever bitten you?" and Gracie said no. I said, "do you know that biting hurts? It hurts so much it can make a little girl cry!" and Gracie said no. I asked her if I could show her what biting feels like. She said yes. And so I bit her.
I know what they say... that you can't (and absolutely should not!!) teach kids not to bite by biting them. But I didn't do this in the heat of the moment. I didn't do it immediately after she had done it to somebody else. We were having a discussion about biting and how it hurts, and I asked her if I could show her what the little girl felt like when Gracie bit her. I did it after everything else didn't work!
Poor Gracie's mouth dropped open and she just stared at me. Then she started to sputter, "Mm..mmm...mama!! That hurts!" She whimpered a little bit, but didn't cry. I kissed her better, and asked her if she thought that little girl felt the same way when she bit her. She told me "I will never bite her again. Never, ever, ever again." And so far... she hasn't!
Every day since, I have picked Gracie up and she runs to me and says, "I no hitting, no pushing, no spitting, and NOOOOO biting!" She's very excited, and once I get the "nod" from Nancy confirming that it was, in fact, a good day, she gets the biggest hug from me!! Here's hoping our little bully has had the bully taken out of her... and she stops making little girls cry!!
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