Playing together...

Danny and I have a pretty perfect little family.  I mean, we actually have the 2.4 kids (Jax can't really count as a whole kid yet, can he?), and two girls and a boy mean things are fairly even in this house.  Not to mention that there's between a year and a half and two years between each of the kids, and we've struck child gold.  That means we get to enjoy all those good things people say about having kids close together.  For example, that they play together!

When it was just Gracie playing, she used to lay on the playmats in our living room and colour.  Quietly.  Sometimes she would sing songs, and it was just adorable.  She would play like that for hours, perfectly content to entertain herself.  Then Ella became old enough to play with her and, wow, did our lives improve.  I mean, from playing quietly by oneself, to two active toddlers playing with each other?  The change has been fantastic!

For those of you unaware of what it is like to have two toddlers play together, let me describe it for you.  Because it is just amazing!  First, let me set the scene for you:

The living room is clean, there are plenty of toys to be shared, and the two toddlers have enjoyed a good night's sleep.  This is a recipe for awesomeness!  But let's not forget the other components to this scenario.  If you would, please pinch the nearest baby extra hard so that you can have some background noise to the "playing" that is about to take place.  Also, please turn a pot of spaghetti sauce on the stove, and let it start boiling and bubbling everywhere (good moms multi-task, dontcha know!). For good measure, and only if you're brave enough, please find some sort of mechanism or person to continually pinch your nipples over and over again to signify a breastfeeding mother enjoying the "playing."  If they could make the nipples bleed, that would be ideal.  Oh, but don't use your husband.  He should be strategically placed, either (a) in the bathroom with his computer, having a 2-hour poop, (b) on the couch "helping" to watch the kids while staring into his cell phone and developing sudden hearing loss, or (c) outside doing chores, because even though the lawn hasn't been mowed for 3 weeks, he knows "playing" is about to occur and chores must be completed this very minute.  If you have animals, please have your dog maniacally hump your cat over and over again while the cat tries to run away, hissing the whole time.  Of course, the dog should follow, quickly and clumsily, knocking over and into anything in her way.

Okay, everybody ready?  Let the "playing" commence.

Gracie and Ella have decided to play Barbies.  A favourite past-time.  They're close in age, which means they have the same ideas about how to play Barbies.  Today, the Barbie sisters are going to the doctor.

Gracie: "Ella, it's time to take Anna to the doctor."

Ella: "No."

Gracie: "Ella, I'm older and you have to listen to me."

Ella: "No."

Gracie: "Fine.  Then Suzy is going to the doctor without Anna!"

Ella: "Noooooo!!!"

Gracie runs down the hall with her Barbie, Suzy, while Ella runs after her, screaming for Gracie not to leave Anna behind.  They both eventually make it to the doctor, and Ella only cries a little bit.

Ella: "Gracie, I'll be the doctor, okay?"

Gracie: "Fine, but then I get to be the doctor after."

Ella: "Okay.  Here Suzy, it's time to get a needle."

Gracie: "Suzy doesn't need a needle, because she's really a secret monster with scary powers and she's going to eat the doctor!!!"

Ella: "Ahhhhh!  I don't like monsters!!!  Mommmmmmy, Gracie is being a scary monster!"

Gracie: "No, I'm NOT, mommy!!!!!"

Ella: "Yes she are!!"

Gracie: *whispers* "If you tell mommy on me, a monster will eat you, too!"

Ella: *screams*

They sort out the monster situation and start playing again.  They each decide to add another Barbie to the game.  More Barbies mean more fun.  Obviously.

Gracie: "Oh, look!  Another Barbie, I think I'll use this one!"

Ella: "I want that one!"

Gracie: "No, it's mine."

Ella: "I want it!"

Gracie: "You want it?  Okay, here."

Ella: *reaches for Barbie*

Gracie: "Hahaha, just kidding!"

Ella: *screams and cries*

Gracie: "Fine, here take it.  I'll take this one instead.  It has magic powers anyway."

Ella: "I want magic powers!"

Gracie: "You can't have magic powers, I'm the big sister, and you're just the little one."

Ella: *hits Gracie in the face*

Gracie: "Mommy, Ella hit me!!"

Ella: "Gracie said I couldn't have magic powers!"

Thank goodness, play time has only just started, so we have lots more of this wonderfulness to endure.  After about 15 minutes of playing together, the conversation looks something like this:

Gracie: "Ellllla!!"

Ella: "Unnnngh!"

Gracie: "Ellllllllllllla!!!!!!"

Ella: "NOOOOOO!"

Gracie: *shrieks*

Ella: *shrieks louder*

Gracie: *pushes Ella over*

Ella: *jumps on top of Gracie's head*

Gracie: "AHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Ella: *spitting sound*

Yes, having kids close together in age means they can entertain each other for hours.  Of course, mothers only need intervene every 4.2 seconds, and only dole out time-outs every 4th or 5th transgression.  If you're a smart mommy, like me, you will learn to send them to a room far across the house to play, where you only have to hear the loudest and most pain-filled cries, and can pretend, just for a few moments, that your children are playing quietly and peacefully together.  

And, thankfully for us, in another year and a half, we can add a third toddler to this playing mix, to increase the awesomeness of playing together.  It's going to be fantastic, wonderful, and just  absolutely delightful! :)

They always look like this when they play together, I swear!!

Five Things I Didn't Know I Hated About Being a Mother...

It's been a week of stay-at-home motherdom for me and the girls.  Their last official day at Nancy's house was last Friday, so it was just the four of us this whole week.  Already, in five short days, I've experienced some things that makes me think, again, that Nancy must have been a god damned saint.

Jax has been pretty easy going... his usual eat, sleep, pooping self.  The girls, for the most part, were also fairly well behaved this week.  But I have learned some things.  Three-and-a-half years after becoming a mother, I've learned that there are certain things about being a (full-time) mother that I just can't stand!

1.  Each morning, Ella greets me on the stairs with, "Good morning mommy.  Can I have cheerios and milk?"  And before,  I would smile, give her a bowl of cheerios, and send her off to Nancy's.  Now when I give her a bowl of cheerios, and she's finished, she's still here.  And that bowl of cheerios is usually followed by, "Mom, I'm still hungry."  She'll either have another bowl of cheerios, a smoothie, a granola bar, or some toast.  Ten minutes after breakfast #2, I hear it again.  "Mommy, I'm hungry.  I want a snack, mommy."  And I hear that every ten minutes.  All.  Day.  Long.  Apparently my two-year old has a bottomless pit for a stomach... and I hate being in charge of trying to fill it.

2.  We're all sitting at the kitchen table, having a snack, when I realize the dryer has beeped and I have to change the load.  I stand up from my chair, start to walk out of the kitchen, when Kid #1 yells after me, "Where are you going, mom?"  I explain that I'm going to change the laundry.  Down in the laundry room, I'm emptying the dryer, when I hear, "Mooooom?  Where are you???"  I yell that I'm downstairs, changing the laundry.  A few minutes later, we're all in the living room, and I have to pee.  I stand up from the couch, and Kid #2 says, "Where are you going, mom?"  I explain I'm going to pee, and then run and close the door before Kids #1 and #2 can join me.  No sooner have I sat my butt down, but Kid #1 is banging on the door. "Mommy, are you still in there?"  Seriously?  Where else would I be?  Maybe she thinks I jumped out the window... not a bad idea, some days.  A little later, I'm making lunch, and remember something I need in another room.  I start to walk away, and Kid #2 (or is it Kid #1? Who the f' knows?) calls out, "Where are you going, mom?"  Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, can't a mother walk out of sight for more than a second without the entire house being put on notice?  Apparently, I hate being cared about.

3.  A mother's dream come true is the first time your kid tells you she loves you.  There's nothing sweeter than hearing, "Mommy... I love you."  It just makes your heart melt.  Now I have two beautiful girls, melting my heart.  All freaking day:

7:35

Ella: "Mommy?"

Me: "Yes, Ella?"

Ella: "I love you."

Me: "I love you, too."

7:36

Gracie: "Mom?"

Me: "Yes?"

Gracie: "I love you."

Me: "I love you, too!"

7:41

Ella: "Moooommy?"

Me: "What, baby?"

Ella: "I love you."

Me: "I love you, too!"

7:46

Ella: "Mom, guess what?"

Me: "What?"

Ella: "I love you!"

Me: "I love you, too."

7:47

Gracie: "Mommy?"

Me: "Yes, Gracie?"

Gracie: "I love you."

Me: "I love you, too."

7:52

Ella: "Hey mommmm?"

Me: "What."

Ella: "I love you!"

Me: *sigh* "I love you too."

7:54

Gracie: "Mommy?"

Me: "Urgnh..."

Gracie: "I love you."

Me: *silence*

Seriously, I love you both.  Tons!  More than life itself, even!  But do we need to share that sentiment every three gosh-darn minutes?  Every three minutes of the 12 hours you little people are awake during the day equals 240 "Mommy, I love you"s.  Come on... isn't that a little excessive... even for endless love??  Apparently, I hate "I love you."

4.  Gracie is the sweetest, most sensitive little girl.  She's the first one to kiss a boo-boo, get you a blanket if you're sick, rub your arm if she thinks you're sad, and give a hug just because.  I love that about her.  Errrr... loved.  Now it just kind of annoys the crap out of me.  Now, when I'm sitting on the couch, bouncing Jax, Gracie will come and slowly, tenderly, caress my face.  How sweet!  Then, two minutes later, when I'm sitting on the floor playing with Ella, she'll come over, rub her hands slowly all over my face, put her nose up to mine, and blink her eyes a bunch of times.  What are you doing there, kid?  When I get up to go to the washroom, she grabs my hand, and holds it all the way to the door.  Then she kisses my palm and rubs my arm, and wishes me a good pee.  Back on the couch (I swear I don't spend all day there!) if I happen to be laying down, she'll come up, put her cheek on mine, rub my face some more, and then she puts her lips over the tip of my nose.  I have no idea what the fuck that's about, but she's done it a few times, and then smiles at me, so apparently it means love.  Really, I'm just starting to feel kind of violated.  And after three-and-a-half years of parenting, I've learned that I apparently hate affection.

5.  Gracie, Ella, and I are sitting on the floor, having a picnic.  Not a real picnic, of course, but a fake one, with a real blanket.  So the three of us are sitting on a blanket, and Ella hands me a pretend piece of sandwich.  I pretend to eat it, and she giggles and laughs.  She hands Gracie a pretend piece of sandwich and Gracie gobbles it down, and then takes another pretend piece of sandwich off the blanket.  Ella screams, "Nooooooo!" and Gracie laughs.  Ella grabs the pretend piece of sandwich back from Gracie's hands.  Ella then gives me some pretend chips, and I eat them with a "crunch, crunch, crunch." Ella laughs and says, "They're dill pickle, mom.  Your favourite!"  Gracie pretends to eat the entire bag of pretend chips.  Ella freaks the fuck out.  Ella tries to grab the pretend bag of chips back from Gracie, who pretends to hold the pretend chips over her head.  Ella cries.  Gracie laughs.  I say, "Gracie, give her back the chips."  Gracie gives her back the pretend bags of chips, and Ella stops crying.  But then Gracie says, "Okay, you can have the chips, but I'm eating all the cookies!" and pretends to pop (I don't even know how many... cause they're not real) cookies into her mouth.  Ella, again, loses her shit and cries, "Mommy!!  Gracie ate all the cookies!"  And Gracie rubs her belly, and says "Yummy!" just to rub it in.  I try to explain to Ella that the snacks are all pretend, and she can just pretend there are more cookies, but Ella doesn't believe me, and keeps crying. And let's face it... Gracie would probably just eat all those pretend cookies too. Yeah... so, apparently I hate playing with my kids.



I have been working since I was 15, and making the decision to stay home with the three kids this year wasn't easy.  Some people are born to be stay-at-home mothers.  Some people, like me, are apparently born to be mothers that drop their kids off at daycare, wave goodbye with kisses and hugs, and greet them excitedly 8 hours later.  That does not make me a bad mother.  It actually made me a damn good mother, who truly appreciated her kids during the short, precious hours I got to spend with them.  But now.... now I have endless, long, never-ending hours to spend with them.  That's something I've never had to deal with before, and it's going to take some adjusting on my part, and some time to get used to.  It's already getting easier, and there are lot of things that I've found already that I like about being with my kids all day.  And I know that in the years to come, I'll truly appreciate and cherish this time that I had with them!

But I can't possibly be the only mother out there who switched from working full-time to being stay-at-home, and suddenly found that her kids annoyed the ever-loving crap out of her.  Anyone else care to fess up?  All you mothers out there on Facebook posting selfies all day with your smiling little children, want to admit that behind those smiles, you're secretly hating little bits of motherhood too?  Anyone? Hello? No??  Maybe it's just me then!  :)