The Loneliness of Motherhood

When it comes to meeting new people, being a mother has the ability to open many new doors!  Even before baby is born, there's pre-natal group, where you are introduced to many other mommies and daddies who are at the same point in their lives as you are... near parenthood.  Afterwards, if you have the pleasure of enjoying your maternity leave, there are baby groups, library groups, swim groups, tumble tots, and lots of other places to run into the same people again and again.  You can form a bond with these people, since you have kids the same age, doing the same things, and growing up at the same time.  If you're lucky enough, your current friends are having babies at the same time you are... and then you have a constant partner in the parenting world.

Here's the problem with the above scenarios:  1) You may not have current friends with babies, which leads me to 2) If you don't have a friend to tag along with you, you have to be outgoing enough to tackle those baby groups all on your own and actually *shudder* talk to strangers.  Something many people may not be comfortable with.  Then there's 3) If you're a working mom, once you go back to work, none of these groups are an option for you because they take place during the day.

For the most part, I fall into categories 1, 2, and 3 above.  I do have a friend who has a baby the same age as Ella.  You know how many times we went to Baby Group together?  Zero.  Because my baby was on a different sleep schedule than hers was, and when babies are young, you don't wake those buggers up for nothing... not even for the possibility that mama might make some adult friends!!

Also, although I can be fairly outgoing, I can be very socially awkward when it comes to meeting new people... especially if those people already know other people.  It's one thing to pick out the other loner in a group and introduce myself.  But I just can't seem to insert myself into a group of people who are already chitter chattering away with each other.  These people are the ones who obviously already have other mothering friends, and they all came together.  Damn them.

And of course, I am a working mother.  I leave my house at 6:55 a.m., and return after 5 p.m.  And since the average age of the ladies I work with is 50+, work is not an ideal environment for me to make new parenting friends.

So you see, being a mother can be a very lonely thing.  The thing about parenthood is that it's not an ideal environment for either making, or maintaining friendships.  If you are lucky enough to be blessed with lots of friends before entering parenthood, I seriously doubt you will come out of it with as many friends.  You start to realize that you and some of your friends don't have as much in common as you originally thought.  You end up gravitating towards the ones who you have more things in common with.  With the same parenting values.  Of course, being a parent also means you are very, very busy.  And your parent friends are very, very busy.  Which means getting together can take weeks of planning and rescheduling.  Danny and I have 2 or 3 very close friends (and friend-couples), and we don't see them nearly as much as we would like to. 

I remember once going to the park when Gracie was about 6 months old.  There was another couple there with their daughter, about 3 weeks older than Gracie.  We chatted around the swingset, and they seemed awesome!  At the time, I was so desperate for a connection with people "like us" that I told Danny I wanted to come back to the swing set at the same time the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that, just to see if they were there.  Maybe they felt the same conncetion, and were thinking the same thing!  Then we'd be bestest best friends forever.  It was pathetic, and I sounded a little like a stalker!

Making new friends is hard... it's like dating.  You have to make a good first impression, hint around that you're interested, see if they feel the same way, and hopefully, exchange numbers or agree to run into each other again.  Because when you become parents, you want to start socializing with some of your own kind.  The ones who truly understand the *ahem* joys of infants and child rearing.  Of course, we still have our truest oldest friends (some of whom who are childless), who stick with us through everything and anything, and I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world!

So if you're a mommy struggling to make new connections, I feel your pain!  If you're a confident mama, and you notice one of my kind, standing off to the side, staring at you intently, making akward conversation, or looking like maybe we're a little desperate for a friend, then please... say hello!  We mamas need to stick together!!

Unexpected Craziness... and return of The Grunt!

Wow!  It's been over two weeks since I've been able to sit down and write.  Who woulda thunk it, my life is crazy sometimes I guess!

All of the craziness started about two weeks ago when I unexpectedly got ill.  I woke up a couple of Saturdays ago with a sore throat.  By Sunday, I had hardly any voice (yay, for everybody around me).  Monday morning I woke up feeling like garbage.  Not just regular garbage, but smelly, dirty, old garbage that's been left at the side of the road for 2 weeks that the crows have picked through.  I went to work, of course.  I'm stupid like that sometimes!  However, I knew I wasn't going to make it through the day, and called ahead to tell my boss to consider me out sick.  I had some stuff to get off my desk, and then I was heading home.  I arrived at work at 7:40, and was on my way home by 10:30.  That was the last I saw of work that week!

I called my doctor before I left the office to see about getting an appointment.  Not for the massive cold and cough that had suddenly appeared out of nowhere, but because my ribs were still hurting so badly that I hadn't slept through the night in about 5 weeks.  And of course, the cough was only making it worse.  I got an appointment to see a nurse practioner the next afternoon.  When I got home from work, I went to bed.  And I pretty much stayed there for 3 days.

I went to my doctor's appointment on Tuesday, where the nurse was concerned about pneumonia and a stress fracture of my ribs.  I had some chest x-rays done that afternoon, was given an inhaler to stop the cough, and went back home to bed, with a prescription for pain killers and muscle relaxers.  Danny's family arrived that afternoon and although I would come out of the room for meals, I didn't really see them until Thursday.  I stayed fairly well medicated, and by Thursday morning, I felt like a different person.  I could breathe again, the cough was gone, and the ribs finally started to feel better.  On Friday, I actually ventured to Digby with everyone, and we took Gracie along for the ride.  She had a fantastic day with her nan and pop, and loved that all the attention was on her! 

After Nan and Pop headed home, we tried to get back into a routine.  We hadn't really settled in since Danny had arrived home, and it was taking some getting used to.  The weather was also fantastic, so we tried to get outdoors with the girls.  I ventured back onto a bicycle, after not having been on one for a very, very long time.  I have to say, it was kinda terrifying!  But I'm now an old pro, and we hope to get out with the girls (who enjoy the view from the seats on the backs of our bikes!) qutie frequently.  We made it to the zoo a couple of times, and we even had supper at Halls Harbour... a favourite of mine, but a place we hadn't been to in years!

The girls are growing up super fast these days.  Gracie often tells me how she's "all growed up" and occassionaly asks when we're going to put another baby in my belly (the answer to that, by the way, is not anytime soon!).  She has started showing her first signs of jealousy toward Ella, but I think it's because Ella is also starting to show her own little personality.  That personality is bad, bad, bad.  She's going to be a trouble maker, I can tell.  She's got a little bugger of an attitude, different than Gracie's.  Gracie's was just rebellion, Ella's resembles the devil's.  The grunt has returned (in case you don't remember my hate for the grunt, read about it here) in Ella, and she also likes to express her displeasure for anything by screaming.  The screaming is a new thing, since we didn't experience it with Gracie, and I think I would take the grunt any day!  Also, the grunt in Ella has started about 4 months earlier than Gracie. Lord help us!!

Danny and I went out Saturday night on a "date."  We ended up wandering around Walmart for close to an hour.  We're cool like that!  We had a nice chat about the things we want to accomplish in the near future, and we're very determined to tame the chaos that has been our lives the last few weeks.  Of course, I'm sure the girls have different plans for that, because it never fails to amaze me how quickly things change when kids are involved!  Here's hoping the craziness of our lives has died down for a while, and I can get back to writing about how amazing and completely insane my little family is!  And with Ella developing her own little attitude, with Gracie learning new things every day, and with Mama and Daddy trying to manage it all, I'm sure the focus will be on the insanity! :)

When the Husband Comes Home...

We made it through the seven weeks!  It wasn't easy at times, but we made it!  The girls are still alive and in one piece, the house is still standing (and is actually in better condition... more on that in another blog later on), nobody starved to death, and I have yet to check myself into the nut house for people gone crazy!

Danny arrived home last Friday around suppertime.  While he was gone, we had an every-other-Friday-pizza-night tradition, so when I told Gracie the pizza man was coming soon, she wanted to wait outside for him.  It was a beautiful evening so out we went.  Gracie picked flowers and made rock piles and Ella played in the dirt and tried to eat stones.  Danny called to tell me he had just picked up the pizza and would be pulling in shortly.  When I saw the car turn onto our road, I said "here comes the pizza man, Gracie!"  She got all excited until she saw the car... then she just stared at it, and sort of whimpered. I don't think she quite knew what to think since it was supposed to be the pizza man.  She started saying something (which I couldn't make out) and when Danny got out of the car, she didn't know what to do.  She thought about crying, but then I said "Who's that?!?" and Danny took off his sunglasses and hat. 

Here's a video of the homecoming... I had to link to my Facebook page, since Blogger wouldn't let me upload the darn thing!  As you can see, Gracie was quite excited to see her daddy, and even Ella threw a smile his way for the occasion.  And obviously, Gracie was terribly impressed with Daddy's new shoes!

Things got back to normal pretty quickly at our house.  Gracie had lots of hugs and kisses for her dad, and he had to be the one to read her stories at bedtime for a few nights.  She talked a mile a minute, telling him all the things he had missed, and pointing out all the new things in our house:  "Daddy, come here.  Look at this ladybug on the window!" "Daddy, come  here.  Look at my new trump-a-leen.  Nanny and Grampy bought it for me."  "Daddy, look! Darrell painted my walls.  Not Mommy!" (Thanks for ratting me out, kid!)

The next morning we went to the grocery store, and then the zoo.  We went to the park that evening, and Gracie thought she was in heaven.  It was a spectacular weekend for the girls with their daddy home!  And the best part... the girls had a bath that first night, and Mommy sat on the floor while Daddy did alllll the work!!  Of course, it took a while for Gracie to realize that Daddy was home, since the whole weekend I heard "Mom? Mommy!? Mommy? Mommy!  Mom?? Mommy!?"  And when I would point out that Daddy was home, she would smile, give him kisses, then proceed to finish her demand of me.  Danny just laughed.  I said "You could take the reins here, you know!" but I think he was quite enjoying being the centre of attention without having to deal with toddler requests and demands!

Danny's been home a week now, and I must say it's nice to have him home again!  Instead of going to bed at 8:00, I stay up and talk to a real-life person!  When I realize at 7:30 p.m. that we're out of milk, I don't have to call my sister to save the day!  When the kids are acting particularly heinous, I can just laugh and say "it's sooooooo your turn to deal with it!"  Bathtimes are done with a partner, meal times are tackled together, and we're all just plain old happier!

Danny found out on his drive home from Ontario that he's been switched to a day job.  Although it wasn't a position he expected (or even wanted, to be truthful) the benefits of having him home every evening and on weekends with us makes me smile.  He'll be working during the day, which means he can sometimes pick the girls up from daycare and I don't have to drive like a bat out of hell to get home by 4:30 every day.  He'll be there to entertain the girls through witching hour, so I can get supper made without too many tantrums and dramatics.  He'll be home on the weekends, which means more zoo time, park time, and family time.  It also means he gets holidays with us.  The other thing it means is that the girls don't have to go four days in a row without seeing him!  It also means that on weekends, he can get up with us since he doesn't have to sleep off his 11-11 shift from the night before!  Yes!!!!

So here we are, back to our normal, crazy, lives.  Hopefully the sheer exhaustion of the past 7 weeks will fade shortly, and I can get back to posting about the craziness that is the Ford Family!!