Why are you yelling, mom?

"Why are you yelling, mom?" 

Gracie seems to ask me this a few times a day lately.  I pride myself on being a patient mother, a calm mother, a mother who loses her shit in private and not around her kids.  But apparently I have not been successful lately.  I don't know whether to blame it on the fact that I'm 34 weeks pregnant and super fat, that I have huge amounts of hormones coursing through my body, that sleep is getting harder and harder to attain, or on the fact that Gracie (God love her) has reached an age that annoys the ever-living fuck out of me.  Please excuse the language (I've been holding it in).

Gracie is three years old.  We just went through the "terrible twos" and I have to say, they weren't so terrible.  Whoever it was that invented the terrible two obviously wasn't a real parent.  Either that, or it was a real parent who smothered their child before they reached the age of three.  Because two aint got nothin' on three. 

First of all there's the attitude.  We've always dealt with attitude from Gracie, especially since the little bugger started talking before she was a year old.  Talking = attitude.  That means we've had an extra year of attitude.  Now, when I'm trying to talk to Gracie, she cuts me off with attitude:  "Gracie, you can't treat Ella like..." "MOOOOOM!" she screams, interrupting me.  "Gracie, don't interrupt m...." "Mommmmmmy! Listen to me!" "No, you listen to me fir..." "MOOOOOOOM!" Also, she stomps her feet her, crosses her arms, and tosses her hair.  I should videotape it... except at the time I don't see the humour in it.  In fact, I'm pretty sure all I see is red.  When she interrupts me for the fourth time, I yell, "Gracie!!" and she stops interrupting and asks, "Why are you yelling, mom?" and then looks at me perfectly quiet and still while I say what I have been trying to get out for the last five minutes.  I wonder for a minute if I imagined all of the interrupting and yelling, because she seems perfectly reasonable right now!

She also has a new favourite expression. "Wellllll....."  As in, "Gracie, it's time for supper now, please put away the crayons." "Wellllll... I don't want to."  "Gracie, we have to leave in a few minutes, so please go have a pee before we leave."  "Welllllll... I already peed once today."  "Gracie, please don't talk back to me." "Welllll... it's not really talking back, you're just not listening to me."

She has also decided that time-outs are an acceptable alternative to doing something she doesn't want to do.  Sometimes I ask her to do something, and she replies with, "Umm, no I'll just take a time-out instead."  When I tell her a time-out isn't an option, she grunts at me, which gets her a time-out.  When the time out is over, I ask her if she's ready to do what I asked her to do.  She says no, and says she'll go back in time out again.  Sometimes I win this battle.  Like when I have all freaking day to sit her in time out.  But that's not our life.  If I'm asking her to do something, it's probably because we need to be somewhere.  So she tries to wait me out.  Eventually, she thinks, I'll have to do it myself if we're going to make it in time to wherever it is we need to be.  This, of course, never works for her.  Usually, after asking nicely 3, or 4, or 5 time, I usually end up yelling "Gracie, get your butt over here and pick up these toys RIGHT NOW!"  To which she replies, "Why are you yelling mom?" while she rolls her eyes at me and picks up the toys. 

She also loves to "play" with her sister.  Ella's not a huge fan of playing with Gracie most of the time, but Gracie doesn't seem to care.  The other day they were playing doctor and Gracie wanted to listen to Ella's heart: "Let me listen to your heart, Ella." "No thank you." "Let me listen to your heart, Ella." "No." "Let me listen to your heart, Ella." "NO!" "Come here, Ella, I want to listen to your heart!" "NOOO!!"  Ella now runs away while Gracie chases her with the toy stethascope, laughing the whole time because she thinks making Ella scream is hilarious!  "Gracie!!!  Stop it now!!  Ella said no!!" I yell.  They both stop where they are and Gracie leans in to Ella and says "Mommy's yelling again!" and Ella replies, "yeaaaah."   Then Gracie listens to Ella's heart while they both stare at me like I'm out of my freaking mind for yelling at them.

Today we took Ella to swimming lessons.  I was too tired to get in the pool with Ella, and it was Danny's turn to take her in, so Gracie and I watched from the bleachers.  Ella's swim lesson is 30 minutes long.  It was the longest 30 minutes of my life.  I would take 30 extra minutes of labour with this baby to not have to endure those 30 minutes again.  First of all, let me say that we don't watch TV unless it's the weekend, so each and every time in the following "conversation" I told Gracie "no" to the TV question.  Second of all, please know that I kept my calm the entire 30 minutes.  Here's how the 30 minutes went...

"Why is that person by the pool, mommy?"

"Where's that little girl's mommy, mommy?"

"Can I watch a show when we get home, mommy?"

"How come her hair is in a ponytail?"

"Why does she have a green water bottle?"

"Where is that person's mommy, mommy?"

"Do you see Daddy and Ella, mommy?"

"Why is there a piece of dirt there?"

"Can I watch a show in the car, mommy?"

"Why does she have a black bathing suit, mommy?"

"Why does that boy wear a blue bathing suit, mommy"

"Why is raining again, mommy?"

"How come you always say tomorrow, mommy, but none of the days are called tomorrow?"

"Can I have a snack?"

"Why didn't you bring a snack?"

"Why does Jayden's mommy always bring me a snack but you don't?"

"Why am I still hungry if I ate all my supper?"

"Can I watch a show on the drive home?"

"Why is there red on my boot, I don't like red right now?"

"Why was there an ant on my floor?"

"Do ants lick?"

"Do ants bite?"

"Why is that lady sitting there?"

"Where is that lady's daughter, mommy?"

And so on.  And so on.  And so on.  I honestly asked her, at least 3 or 4 times, if she could just be quiet for a few minutes, to which she laughed and said, "I'm never quiet, mommy!" and kept on talking and asking questions.  When we got to the car, she said, "Mommy, can I watch a show?" for the 8th time in 30 minutes, and I yelled, "Noooo!"  Gracie just stared at me and said, "Why are you yelling, mom?"  Danny looked at me too, and I tried to explain how the last 30 minutes had gone.  But I wasn't really coherent.  My words weren't making sense, my brain was exhausted.  "Just. Make it. Stop."  I said, while Gracie and Ella screeched at each other in the back seat.  Danny did something he rarely does.  Danny yelled.  Danny is loud.  And a little bit scary.  And it works.  Both girls were immediately quiet. "Sorry, daddy!" they both said.  And they played nicely for the rest of the drive home.  No one questioned why he was yelling.  Daddy doesn't lose his shit very often, so the girls still take him very seriously when he does.  I definitely need to keep this man around.  I have another half a year of the "terrible threes" with this child, and then I have two more kids to get through it, too.  Oh Lord.  I have a feeling mommy may lose her shit a few more times between now and then! 

Changes...

The last two weeks has been full of surprises for us.  Some we were kind of expecting, and some caught us completely off guard.

I had a feeling that my time at work would be coming to an end earlier than expected.  I got my official "get out of work free" card last Monday and worked my last day on Friday.  It was one of those surprises we were expecting, but still felt so surreal.  I've been home for almost a week now, and it truly just feels like I have a few days off.  The fact that I'm off for the next 64 weeks hasn't really sunk in yet.

I was at work on Friday, counting down the hours to the end of the day, when I got a phone call from Danny.  He rarely calls me at work, usually preferring to text instead.  He told me he received an email from the Orderly Room at his work telling him he had 30 days to accept their offer for the UTP program.  For those of you that don't remember, Danny has been applying to do the University Training Program through the military, where he would go to university, get a degree, and end up as an Officer.  He started the application process before Christmas and we hadn't really heard anything back since then.  They also rarely accept people into the program during their first application, and with the budget cuts the military is expecting, we kind of wrote the whole thing off.  Except then Danny got the email.  

To make a long story short, Danny has been accepted into the program, and as of July 1, becomes an Officer Cadet.  He starts at Acadia in the fall, and although he's still deciding between two programs, will be there for the next four years.  Add onto that any trades training at the end of the schooling, and it looks like we just confirmed our stay in Greenwood for another 5 years!

Acceptance into the program was not expected.  We had basically written it off.  It was one of those things in the far corners of our minds that was still technically a possibility, but not a likelihood.  Then the bastard went and got accepted and threw our whole world into a tailspin.  There was so much to talk about, so many decisions to make, so much planning to do!

Here are a few of the things running through our heads these days:

- If Danny is going to be a university student, he's going to need a space to use as an office/study.  No problem.  Except that we didn't sell the house this year and buy a bigger one, like we were planning, because there was no chance of him getting accepted into the program.  Okay, the spare room it is.  Except there's no room in the spare room.  Out goes the bed (sorry mom and dad).  We'll have to turn it into a study and buy a pull-out couch (you guys don't mind, do you??) so that the kids don't bother Danny during study time!

- Oh crap, kids!  We're having another one of those!  But it's in June, so our whole lives should be settled and returned to normal by July.  Right?

- The car.  Our ancient, 15-year-old car.  It has done us well over the years.  We love our little Toyota, but over the last year, she has started to show her age.  We cannot send Danny to Wolfville every day in that car.  We need a new car.  HA! That should be simple, with two of us working we can easily afford another... oh wait.  Crap.

- Laptop.  If Danny is going to be doing a computer science program, engineering program, or applied science program, chances are he's going to need a laptop.  Except that his turns off whenever the plug gets wiggled.  And the screen on mine is broken and is literally hanging on by a bunch of wires.  Okay, new laptop.

- Basic training for officers?  Apparently Danny may have to re-do basic training.  Then again, because he has his PLQ (that 8-week course he was gone on last spring), he may be exempt.  Nobody can tell him for sure  yet.  But good news, it's only 8 weeks, and it would be this summer.  Except that I'll have a newborn.  And two toddlers.  And a complete nervous breakdown.  I may have cried at this news.  It may not have been my best moment.  I know I told him I would support his university endeavours, but I'm pretty sure a caveat of that was that I didn't have to start being supportive until September.  Until then, it was supposed to be about supporting me.  And a newborn.  And two toddlers. And preventing a complete nervous breakdown!

- We need a new house.  Now that we know that we are staying, I know we need out of this house.  It has shrunk since we bought it 8 years ago.  There are too many people living in it.  Too many animals.  Not enough storage space.  Not enough places to hide when the kids drive me crazy.  Getting into a new place this fall is crazy.  So next summer.  That's our goal.  Except that now we have to think about getting a house ready while Danny does his first year of university and I deal with 3 under 3.  This will be fun.  Anybody willing to come over and paint, or clean, or purge, or do small fixing up, please let me know.  I'll share my wine!

Of course, in all of the panic, we realize there are many good things about this surprise news.  That's 5 more years here.  Although I have been trying to get us out of here since the year I met Danny, we've been given a rare gift that the military hardly ever gives.  Certainty.  We know, for sure, that we will not be posted until at least after Danny finishes school.  That means we can actually plan the next 4-5 years of our lives, knowing where we will be.  That means that Gracie and Ella, and potentially Baby Ford #3 will be starting school here.  That means that I get to move back into the County, and have the girls go to the same school that I went to.

We new this was going to be a big year.  Adding another family member to our crazy little mix, a family member that turned out to be a boy, much to our surprise.  Me, stopping work for a while and actually enjoying being a stay-at-home parent.  And now this.  An exciting and privileged opportunity for Danny.  It's going to be a lot of hard work.  It's going to take a lot of support.  But our lives have all of a sudden been directed down a completely different path than what we were expecting.  And despite all the anxiety and craziness that we're experiencing right now, it's kind of exciting!  And I'll need somebody to remind me of that in September when Danny becomes a full-time student, and I have three kids at home.  Support.  And wine.  And we'll make it through! :)