Gracie is almost five years old. That in itself is a scary fact! But the things my little girl knows already is even scarier. Here's a complete list of all the things Gracie has learned by the precious age of 4 and three-quarters:
1. How to spell her name. G-R-A-C-I-E. It's scrawled all over our driveway in pink chalk. As well as J-A-X, E-L-L-A, M-O-M-M-Y, D-A-D-D-Y, and just today she learned L-E-S-L-I-E, H-E-L-E-N, C-H-A-R-L-I-E, and E-L-V-I-S. In case you aren't familiar with the Ford-family dynamics, that would be Nanny and Grampy and our dog and cat. She also knows how to spell dog, but she doesn't think she'll use that word because the dog has a real name. This learning-to-spell thing has been torturous for me, since she likes to write letters. "Mommy, how do you spell 'dear.' How do you spell 'Aunt.' How do you spell 'Jesse.' How do you spell...
2. Her phone number. Yesterday, she said to her father, "Daddy, our phone number is 765-6525." And he said, "Very good, Gracie!" I said, "What the hell? How do you know our phone number?" Because, (1) who ever uses our house phone? I mean, come on, we have modes of communication now that aren't attached to the wall, and (2) I've never told her our phone number before. And she said, "Last week when we were at the library checking out our books, Miss Judy asked you for our phone number, and you told her." So, apparently my kid is one of those special creatures that remembers everything she's every heard. Now taking donations for her future therapy sessions!
3. How to count to 100. This one is fun. Especially when she wants to show you how she can. And then wants to show her dad right afterwards. And then her nanny. And then Ella, Charlie, and Elvis.
4. What is a good idea. She shares this knowledge with me every day, mostly during periods of time outs. It goes something like this,
Me: "Gracie, you cannot take the toys from Ella without asking. Go sit in time out please."
Her: "That is NOT a good idea."
Me: "Gracie, after supper you have to have a shower and then get ready for bed."
Her: "That is NOT a good idea."
Me: "Gracie, it's time to clean up. You pick up the books please."
Her: "That is NOT a good idea."
Me: "Let's go to Walmart and do some shopping."
Her: "That is a GREAT idea."
For the record, not-good ideas are usually followed by arm crossing and lip pouting. Great ideas are usually followed by hugs and kisses. Unfortunately, I'm not as smart as Gracie and my ideas are, apparently, usually less than stellar.
5. Style. My kid is the queen of dressing herself. Sometimes, she looks adorable. The cutest little sweaters matched perfectly with jeans or leggings. And then, other times, she looks like this:
That would be hot-pink leggings underneath blue shorts, with a yellow-striped top underneath a white blouse. Lets not forget the blue Elsa socks. And the hair, which she did herself. She said this is how doctors dress, and she wants to be a doctor when she grows up. I'm not stifling that ambition, so she can dress with all the style she wants, baby!
6. How to communicate with the other-world. A few years ago, Gracie told me about an older lady that comes to her room at night to talk with her and keep her company. Creeped me the f' out. These days, I don't hear as much about "Ruth" but I do see her stop often, put her hands together, and pray. I run a Sunday School program, and go to church every Sunday... but prayer has never been my strong point. I'm more of a "pray when I need something right now" kind of person. I never really got the hang of it, and when I actually attempt a little quiet prayerful contemplation, I usually wind up thinking about the laundry that still needs to be done, the annoying screaming coming from one of the three monsters in my house, or a million other things that distract a mother. I usually wind it up with "Anyway, I'm sure you know what I was going to say. So... yeah. The end. Amen." So the fact that Gracie can just fold her hands and throw a prayer up anywhere and about everything... that's some spiritual knowledge right there!
7. How to tell time. This one has been coming for a while. She first learned to tell me the time that was on the microwave, even though those numbers meant nothing to her. Then, she started asking what time we did certain things and staring at the microwave clock at different times during the day. Then she memorized our "schedule" and started making me stick to it. The fact that she also knows days of the weeks, just makes her more of a pain in the ass. "Mom, I have gymnastics in 3 days, which is Saturday, and we have to be ready and out the door by 8:30, and it lasts for one hour, and when we get home, it's 10:30, which is snack time." And then she repeats that every day until gymnastics arrive, and then starts over on Sunday. She also does this with Ella's dance class, when Grampy comes home to visit, bedtime, snack time, lunch time, supper time, and any other time food might be involved. I also can no longer lie about certain things. Like bedtime. On "those" days, I used to gleefully announce at 6:30, "it's bedtime!!" Now, Gracie will check the clock and say, "Bedtime's not till 7!" Damn it.
8. Everything else in the whole entire world. That's right, I have a special 4-year old, who knows everything! Just ask her...
7. How to tell time. This one has been coming for a while. She first learned to tell me the time that was on the microwave, even though those numbers meant nothing to her. Then, she started asking what time we did certain things and staring at the microwave clock at different times during the day. Then she memorized our "schedule" and started making me stick to it. The fact that she also knows days of the weeks, just makes her more of a pain in the ass. "Mom, I have gymnastics in 3 days, which is Saturday, and we have to be ready and out the door by 8:30, and it lasts for one hour, and when we get home, it's 10:30, which is snack time." And then she repeats that every day until gymnastics arrive, and then starts over on Sunday. She also does this with Ella's dance class, when Grampy comes home to visit, bedtime, snack time, lunch time, supper time, and any other time food might be involved. I also can no longer lie about certain things. Like bedtime. On "those" days, I used to gleefully announce at 6:30, "it's bedtime!!" Now, Gracie will check the clock and say, "Bedtime's not till 7!" Damn it.
8. Everything else in the whole entire world. That's right, I have a special 4-year old, who knows everything! Just ask her...
