When it comes to meeting new people, being a mother has the ability to open many new doors! Even before baby is born, there's pre-natal group, where you are introduced to many other mommies and daddies who are at the same point in their lives as you are... near parenthood. Afterwards, if you have the pleasure of enjoying your maternity leave, there are baby groups, library groups, swim groups, tumble tots, and lots of other places to run into the same people again and again. You can form a bond with these people, since you have kids the same age, doing the same things, and growing up at the same time. If you're lucky enough, your current friends are having babies at the same time you are... and then you have a constant partner in the parenting world.
Here's the problem with the above scenarios: 1) You may not have current friends with babies, which leads me to 2) If you don't have a friend to tag along with you, you have to be outgoing enough to tackle those baby groups all on your own and actually *shudder* talk to strangers. Something many people may not be comfortable with. Then there's 3) If you're a working mom, once you go back to work, none of these groups are an option for you because they take place during the day.
For the most part, I fall into categories 1, 2, and 3 above. I do have a friend who has a baby the same age as Ella. You know how many times we went to Baby Group together? Zero. Because my baby was on a different sleep schedule than hers was, and when babies are young, you don't wake those buggers up for nothing... not even for the possibility that mama might make some adult friends!!
Also, although I can be fairly outgoing, I can be very socially awkward when it comes to meeting new people... especially if those people already know other people. It's one thing to pick out the other loner in a group and introduce myself. But I just can't seem to insert myself into a group of people who are already chitter chattering away with each other. These people are the ones who obviously already have other mothering friends, and they all came together. Damn them.
And of course, I am a working mother. I leave my house at 6:55 a.m., and return after 5 p.m. And since the average age of the ladies I work with is 50+, work is not an ideal environment for me to make new parenting friends.
So you see, being a mother can be a very lonely thing. The thing about parenthood is that it's not an ideal environment for either making, or maintaining friendships. If you are lucky enough to be blessed with lots of friends before entering parenthood, I seriously doubt you will come out of it with as many friends. You start to realize that you and some of your friends don't have as much in common as you originally thought. You end up gravitating towards the ones who you have more things in common with. With the same parenting values. Of course, being a parent also means you are very, very busy. And your parent friends are very, very busy. Which means getting together can take weeks of planning and rescheduling. Danny and I have 2 or 3 very close friends (and friend-couples), and we don't see them nearly as much as we would like to.
I remember once going to the park when Gracie was about 6 months old. There was another couple there with their daughter, about 3 weeks older than Gracie. We chatted around the swingset, and they seemed awesome! At the time, I was so desperate for a connection with people "like us" that I told Danny I wanted to come back to the swing set at the same time the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that, just to see if they were there. Maybe they felt the same conncetion, and were thinking the same thing! Then we'd be bestest best friends forever. It was pathetic, and I sounded a little like a stalker!
Making new friends is hard... it's like dating. You have to make a good first impression, hint around that you're interested, see if they feel the same way, and hopefully, exchange numbers or agree to run into each other again. Because when you become parents, you want to start socializing with some of your own kind. The ones who truly understand the *ahem* joys of infants and child rearing. Of course, we still have our truest oldest friends (some of whom who are childless), who stick with us through everything and anything, and I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world!
So if you're a mommy struggling to make new connections, I feel your pain! If you're a confident mama, and you notice one of my kind, standing off to the side, staring at you intently, making akward conversation, or looking like maybe we're a little desperate for a friend, then please... say hello! We mamas need to stick together!!
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