Well we've finally reached that age... the age where Gracie embarrasses us in public. I knew it was coming, but I wasn't prepared. It seemed like it came out of nowhere! One day she was our sweet little girl, the one who strangers smiled at and "ooohed" and "awwwed" over. The next day, strangers looked at us with sympathy, and a little twinkle in their eye because they wanted to laugh out loud at us, but knew that they shouldn't!
Looking back, I guess I should have seen the signs. It probably started the day I picked her up at Nancy's... I picked her up to give her a big hug and she farted. She laughed and laughed, and said "Mommy, I farted on your arm!" I told her that was gross, so she squeezed out another one, twice as loud! "I farted, I farted, and pee-ewww! That stinks!" The other parents all giggled.
Last week we were out for supper and while we were waiting for our food, an older lady with gray hair sat at a table behind us. Gracie stared at her for a while and then turned around and whispered something. I couldn't make out what she said so I asked her to speak up (my mistake!). "That lady's a witch mommy! She's a witch! A witch! A WITCH!!!" The lady just stared at us, and I stared at Gracie with my mouth open. Danny looked at me and said "What did she say?" Gracie heard him ask, so she repeated herself, loudly. I told Gracie, "That's not a witch, it's just a lady." but she wouldn't believe me!
Last night we went swimming with Gracie's bestest friend, Jayden. Jayden is so sweet and loving, and always greets Gracie so excitedly. Gracie just covers her face and pretends Jayden doesn't exist. That's embarrassing enough for me! But when we were in the pool, Gracie and Jayden were throwing a ball back and forth. Ella was sitting on the edge of the pool with Jayden's mom, and screeched at Gracie. So Gracie yelled at her, "Ella, you're such a shithead!" Jayden's mom looked more than a little surprised by the language, and I just shook my head and took Gracie aside for a little discussion about name calling (and swearing). I swear, we don't teach her to curse like that, she just picks it up from her horrible mother and spits it back out when we least expect it!
A little while later I noticed Gracie hunched over in the shallow end of the pool. "What are you doing, Gracie?" I asked. "Playing with my bird!" Not the answer I was expecting. And yet, loud enough for lots of people to hear! And yes, ladies and gentleman, we use "bird" instead of "vagina" because vagina is just not a word I want to hear come out of my toddler's mouth. Let the scarring and therapy sessions begin!
So apparenly my daughter has no filter. At least that's what I've started to learn over the past couple of weeks. Whatever is on her mind, comes out of her mouth. I have to be prepared for this from now on... as she learns more words and becomes more aware of people around her, I'm sure the things she screams will only become more embarrassing. I plan to keep a record of everything she says that embarrasses me so that when she's a teenager, I can use them on her! I can't wait til I drop her off at a friend's house and she turns to me and say, "Mom. What are you doing?" And I can just imagine the expression on her face when I yell back, "Playing with my bird!"
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