It's a New Year... and I'm tired already!

Hey, it's a new year!  Okay, we're already two weeks into the new year... but does it count that I started this blog on the 1st of January?  I was going to write about all my hopes and dreams for the coming year.  All the resolutions I've made.  And how I'm going to actually keep them.  Except, it's two weeks into the new year, and I already know how some of those things turned out.

 

My main resolution for the new year?  Be a happier, "better" person.  Being a stay-at-home mom has given me a case of the grumps.  My little people are awesome, but I crave some intellectual stimulation.  The problem is that by the time the little people are all in bed, the mess is tidied, and I have a moment to stimulate my intellecualness (yes, that's a word...), I'm tired.  So I plop my bum down on the couch and Netflix it for the night.  My goal was to stop that.  I was going to stimulate my brain so I could be more energetic, and smiley, and get shit accomplished.  Yeah, that is not going well.  I keep telling myself, "Tomorrow you can.  Tonight you can rest."

 

That seems to be my main barrier in this "better" person goal.  I'm tired.  Crap.  Three kids is tiring.  Being home with three kids all freaking day is tiring.  Cleaning up after three kids is tiring.  Being in charge of three kids' intellectual stimulation is tiring.  Ugh, I'm tired just writing about how tiring it is.  I don't have enough energy to pretend to be a better person.  I think that was my real goal anyway, to pretend to be a better person.  Cause, let's be honest.  At my age... there's no changing who I am.  But I can change how people can perceive me.  I can pretend to be a happier bitch, instead of just a regular bitch. But I don't have the energy for that.  Instead, I still snap at my kids the same number of times in a day.  I still roll my eyes at my husband the same number of times.  I still plop my bum down on the couch and Netflix it, instead of washing the baseboards, or folding the laundry, or any other number of things a "good" person would do.  Ain't nobody got the time, or energy, for that crap.

 

Okay, lots of people have time for that crap.  And I hate those people. Damn it, that wasn't very "good" of my to say was it?  And now, on top of all my self-loathing and laziness, I have a house to get ready to sell.  It's supposed to be ready for the market by the end of January.  The last time I checked, I had 10 weeks.  That's now down to 2.  Crap.  I did get the kitchen floor replaced.  Well, I begged my father and grandfather to come down, and they got the kitchen floor replaced.  But I did empty the entire house of crap and shove it in a storage locker!  And, I spray painted the house numbers by our front door.  So I've gotten a few things accomplished.  And I still have two weeks, right?  So in the next two weeks, I have to paint my bedroom, paint the living room, paint the entry-way, paint the downstairs hallway, paint the mudroom, replace the kitchen faucet (which has decided now is a good time to leak), replace the bathroom faucet (which hasn't stopped leaking since the day we bought the damn thing but, again, we're too lazy to uninstall and return), frame the bathroom mirror (because Pinterest has convinced me that is a much better idea than replacing the mirror), and clean the entire house from top to bottom, including all the nooks and crannies I've been neglecting for the last 8 years.  No big deal.  Have I mentioned I'm also responsible for the health and well-being of three children while all of this is going on?  Still.  No big deal.  I work well under pressure.  I think...

 

I'm a perfectionist and a procrastinator, so some day this house will look amazing and ready to sell!  Not today though.  I'm tired.  Kids are tiring. Three kids are exhausting.  Plus it's Sunday, the day of rest.  Unless you run a Sunday School program.  In which case, it's the day you get up at the ass-crack of dawn, make sure you and your spawn are out the door by 8:30, and don't return home until after 1:00, after spending the previous hours, you know, running a program.  But I'm off topic here.  The point is...  well, I don't remember.  Cause I'm tired. 

 

Tomorrow.  Tomorrow is the day I will start being a "better" person.  I'll start by not yelling at my kids all day.  Then I will accomplish one, no, two! things on my to-do list.  We will eat healthy meals all day, because that is another resolution of ours.  And I will exercise.  Not the usual exercise of chasing three kids, but real exercise... with a sports bra and everything.  Probably in front of the TV, and possibly from a seated position on the couch.  We'll see.  Tomorrow will be the start of my new year.  Maybe. We'll see how tired I am in the morning.