Since posting about my nervousness of giving birth to a boy, instead of a girl, I've had a few people ask me: "What are you so afraid of?"
Obviously, I don't think pushing a boy out of my hoo-ha is going to be any different than a girl, so it's not the actual having a boy that scares me... it's everything that comes afterwards. For starters, boys have penises. And although I have figured out a use for penises in grown men (I'm having my third kid, after all), I have no idea what to do with a little tiny penis!
There's the whole "changing" thing. I've never been peed on before. I know, weird, right? But honestly... if the girls ever peed mid-change, it all ended up underneath them. The concept of a stream of pee shooting towards my face, or his face, or the wall... yeah, I don't know what to do with that. The fact there is an invention out there called the peepee-teepee, just means that I need to be aware that back-up equipment is required when changing a boy. Not to mention that changing a girl is simple... front to back. As many times as necessary to clean up. You can't go front to back on a boy. There's a... thing... in the way. That means up, and down, and around, and I don't know how the hell to clean a penis, people!!
After the time for "changing" is over, there's also the potty training thing. I don't know what to tell a boy. Stand up? Sit down? I don't freaking know! Shake it twice? Three times? Oh Lord...
Most of my friends have boys. You think this would be encouraging for me. It is not. It means that when the ladies get together for wine, I get to hear more horror stories. Maybe to mothers of boys, they're not horror stories, so much as funny anecdotes, but to a mother of only girls... well, let's just say that I have had a horrified look on my face more than once, and that I'm not looking forward to the day my two-year-old boy gets his first morning "happy" and tells me how much it hurts and asks me what to do with it. I don't know what to tell him... put it away? Go ask your dad? Stay away from your sisters? Pull on it, that'll make it feel better? Do they write these answers down somewhere in a book?!?
A friend asked me the other day, "So you're having a boy... are you going to get him circumcised?" I'm sorry... what? That's a decision we have to make? I never had to make that decision when either of the girls were born. The thought never even crossed my mind until she asked. Although I did figure out the answer pretty quickly when I asked Danny about it. Nope! (Well, at least one problem is solved already!)
Aside from the penis itself, boys are still just different. They're rougher, louder, more energetic. This is my third kid. I'm already tired from the first two. Why does this kid get to have more energy than the first two? I'm not prepared for that. My girls listen...will my boy listen too? If my friends' stories have any validity, the answer is no. Oh Lord... I'm going to have to get a leash!
My fears extend past toddler-hood. I know I'm in for it when the girls reach their teenage years. They will hate me, it's a given. But they'll still be girls, and I'll still know them better than I'll ever know a boy. I've never been a boy! I've heard stories about boys. I know what my boyfriends were like in high school. I've heard tales from Danny and his friends that they think are hilarious. I think they're either (a) disgusting, (b) terrifying, (c) appalling, or (d) completely and utterly dangerous. I have to be emotionally attached to (and morally responsible for) a boy who is going to cause me to feel (a) through (d) above... probably all at once. My hair is already turning gray, just thinking about it!
I know I'll get over the fears of a boy... Google will help (that's my hope). As long as my computer never gets raided, because I'm sure all the searches about little tiny penises may raise a red flag. I'll even welcome the horror stories from friends now... best to be prepared, I say! But for those of you about to comment about how boys aren't so bad... I wont believe you. You're probably lying. Or maybe you're a man yourself, which means you're prejudiced about the power of a penis! But I've smelled enough farts to know that boys are not pretty... and I'm preparing myself for the worst. Because ready or not, here he comes! :)
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