Gracie the Un-Bully

I don't know if you all remember the issue we were having with Gracie earlier this year.  In case you don't, you can read about it here.  She was biting, and pinching, and hitting, and kicking, and spitting.  It was not a proud moment in my short life as a mother.  However, we spent some time working with her, and she very quickly gave it all up.

Fast forward 6 months, and Gracie is back up to no good.  She no longer bites or spits (thank GOD!!) but she has taken to picking on her friends.  When I pick her up from daycare, Nancy is telling me that she isn't being nice to the other kids and she wont let them play.  She's making other kids cry... again.

I know this is usual behaviour from kids her age... but I genuinely feel like this a huge teaching moment for our child.  In a world where kids are being bullied for the stupidest things, from the colour shirt they wear, to sexual orientation, to just being "different" from those doing the bullying, I decided to call it like it was.

"Gracie, do you know what a bully is?"

"No."

"A bully is someone who is mean to their friends and makes them cry.  Do you do this?"

"Yes.  Sometimes."

"Why do you that?"

"Because sometimes I don't want to play with *Barb so when she comes to play, I say NO!!  And sometimes I push her down because she wont go away."

"Do you do this to your other friends too?"

"Yes, sometimes I do."

"And do your friends cry?"

"Yes.  Sometimes."

"Well, when you make your friends cry on purpose, that's being a bully.  How would you like it if your friends wouldn't let you play with them?"

"I would be sad!"

"Well I bet that's how they feel too, when you wont let them play with you.  We have to be nice to our friends, Gracie.  Or else they wont want to play, and then you'll be sad."

"Okay, mommy.  I wont be a bully anymore.  I'll be a nice friend!"

On the drive to Nancy's the next day, we went over this again in the car.  Gracie got out and said she was going to be a good friend that day, and not be a bully.  And I am happy to say that so far, she's kept that promise!

A couple days ago, on our drive home, she told me about a little boy at Nancy's who was making the other kids cry...

"Mommy, John's being a bully to Abby.  He pushes her down and makes her cry."

"And what do you do when he does that?"

"I don't know."

"Well when you see someone else being a bully, you have to say 'don't be a bully!' and then tell an adult, like Nancy."

Yesterday Gracie was very excited to tell me "Mommy, John's not going to be a bully anymore.  Because I told him, 'No John!  We don't be a bully!  We have to be nice to our friends.  We don't make our friends cry on purpose!  And if he does it again, I have to tell Nancy, right mommy?"

You know, the girl may only two years old, but I think we're off to a great start.  The only thing worse than a bully are those that do nothing to stop it from happening.  So help me, if I teach my kids anything it will be to stand up for themselves, and for others who aren't strong enough to stand up on their own.  Gracie knows now what a bully is, and what she should do to stop it. At this age, a bully is someone who wont share the crayons... but the bullies are only going to get bigger and badder.  And I'm hoping that teaching Gracie this young will ensure that I have more conversations with her over the years about the bully she told to stop!