A Permanent Stellar Mommy Moment? Uh-oh!!

Gracie had her 18-month checkup a couple weeks ago at the doctor's office.  She got her last set of needles (until school, anyway), and barely made a peep!  She talked up a storm, and the doctor commented "well, she has all of her 200 words already!"  Apparently, by age two, children should know around 200 words.  I don't think we have to worry.  That little girl has a vocabulary to challenge mine!  She talks all the time, and picks up new words all over the place!  You rarely have to tell her what something is more than once, and she has it memorized.  In fact, in the last couple of weeks we have come to realize just how much she remembers... and how it was a good thing she left one word out of her doctor's office visit!

I think I already mentioned a little while ago about our first real experience with Gracie cursing.  It was on the boat coming home from Fogo Island.  She had taken her shoes off, and when I said to her, "Gracie, we don't take our shoes off in the car," she looked down at the floor where her shoes were and exclaimed "oh fuck, my shoooooes!"  Danny and I, of course, just stared at each other... and then burst out laughing.  We didn't correct her, because we didn't want to encourage her to use the word again.  Unfortunately, when you have a bright little girl like Gracie, there was no deleting that word from her vocabulary.  She knows the word, and she knows when to use it!

Every now and then Gracie will out with the word.  This weekend, we were driving home from my brother's wedding, and Gracie bit her tongue and let out with a "oh fuck. Fuuuck."  And she's used it many other times too.  

I have to take the blame for this one.  This is a complete stellar mommy moment.  I have a sailor's mouth.  I curse horribly.  Not in my professional world, but get me away from people where it's just Danny and I (and apparently my impressionable 1-year old) and I curse... a lot.  And apparently Gracie hears me, and learns from me.  *sigh*

I don't think there's any undoing this one... we just have to wait for her to replace the word with something else.  "Oh-no" would be nice, or even "holy moly."  Anything but that four-letter word.  I guess I better start watching my mouth around my children, or Ella's first word wont be mom or dad!!

Here is Gracie, at the wedding, embracing her role as flower girl (and before letting out the curse words!)

And what has Miss Ella been up to lately?  Well she is a smiling machine!  I cannot get over how easily she gives out her smiles, giggles, oohs, and ahhs!  Gracie was a very happy baby, but she was always very serious.  We really had to work to get smiles out of her!  But Ella... oh she is a beautiful, smiley baby!  And every time she flashes us one of those huge grins, it just lights me up inside!  I cannot wait until we start getting real belly laughs from her... it's going to be the most beautiful sound ever!  Here she is, flashing me a smile or two...

No Mommy Moments for Ella yet... whew!  But, I am happy to announce, my first recordable Stellar Daddy Moment (okay, not really happy, but you know what I mean)  This morning, Ella was enjoying some tummy time on the couch, supervised by daddy.  Well that little girl loves to boogie, and she boogied herself right off the edge of the couch.  Dad was sitting right beside her, and managed to catch her... with his foot!  Gave Ella and daddy quite the fright I think!  But I'm happy, because at least I know now that it's not always me putting my children's lives in peril, or teaching them all the wrong four-letter words.  Daddies have moments too!! :)

The Most Natural Thing...

Breastfeeding is the most natural thing in the world!  At least, that's what we're told by basically every breastfeeding advocate out there - doctors, nurses, other breastfeeding mothers, complete strangers.  And for some people, I'm sure it is!  But here's my opinion...

There is nothing natural about having a tiny little person suck on a part of my body that is, by nature, extremely sensitive, to the point where it cracks, bleeds, and blisters.  There is nothing natural about trying to grasp this flimsy little person by the head (without breaking its neck), positioning him or her into some sort of football hold, sliding them up, under, around, or behind clothing, all while trying to avoid exposing yourself to the general population.  There is nothing natural about spraying milk up your baby's nose, into your own belly button, or halfway across the room.  When having trouble breastfeeding, there is also nothing natural about hooking your boobs up to a mechanical device that pumps you dry (ask the cows, they'll tell you!!).

So... why do I do it?  Because it's good for my babies... and because I'm terribly stubborn.  I totally understand why some people automatically start formula feeding their babies.  Trust me!  With Gracie, the nurse came to visit me when she was 4 days old, took one look at my baby feeders and said, "Whoa.  You need to stop feeding for a while.  Try pumping for a few days to let those heal."  To be fair, that was all Gracie's fault... she had a terrible latch (which brings me to another point, shouldn't something so "natural" come, oh I don't know, naturally to these babies??).

After pumping for weeks, breastfeeding when possible, and spending countless hours with lactation consultants, nurses, and other mommy breastfeeders, we finally got the latch fixed.  Which means my problems should have been over! Except that I developed a lovely thrush infection (which Gracie was able to avoid because she was almost exclusively eating by bottle).  It took 2 different prescriptions, a liquid that turns your nipples purple, a couple of natural remedies, and six (SIX!!!!) weeks to cure it.  For those of you who don't know what a thrush infection feels like, it's basically like a hot coal poker being stabbed into your breast every time you feed your baby.  It's excruciatingly painful!  So after that, my problems should have been cured as well... except by then, I had been back to the doctor, who recommended a low-hormone birth control, which diminished my milk supply to the point that I had to start pumping every 2-3 hours (regardless of the fact that by now Gracie was eating every 5-6), which didn't work, by the way.  I cried almost every day for the first 3 weeks of Gracie's life, struggling to keep going, when everything in me was telling (screaming at me) me to stop.  Poor Danny spent more time trying to get me to stop crying than he did our infant child.

At around three months, I ended up having to supplement with formula.  I bawled the day it happened.  I emailed my public health nurse, begging her for more options so that I wouldn't have to expose my baby to the horrors of *gasp* formula!  I cried to Danny, telling him how much of a failure I was for not being able to do what was so "natural" well enough to feed my baby.  I cried a lot.  Because everything, and almost everyone, puts so much pressure on new moms to breastfeed exclusively.

They say breast is best.  Breastfeeding reduces the risk of SIDS.  Breastfeeding makes for a healthier immune system in babies.  Breastfeeding does this super thing, and that super thing.  And that's all true.  But what does a failure of a breastfeeding mom hear?  She hears:  Formula is worst.  Formula increases the risk of SIDS.  Formula wont keep your baby healthy.  Formula is this bad thing, and that bad thing.  I'm sure that all of that is extremely exaggerated granules of truth... but to a mother struggling, all of those things nag at you every time you feed your baby formula.

I had a lot of support in my struggles with breastfeeding.  If I didn't, I probably would have given in the first time a nipple cracked.  My support system were not the people telling me how horrible it would be to give up, they were not the annoying little voice in my head telling me how bad formula was.  They were 100% there for me, to help when I needed it, or to support me if I finally decided to give up.  They were fantastic!

Society in general now, I think, is the force behind all of this pressure on new moms.  I know how important it is to educate people on the importance of breastfeeding, on the benefits of it.  I know how important it is to have proper encouragement for new moms, and to increase our rate of breastfeeding mothers.  But as a new mother, and after having spoken to many other new moms, we all agreed on one thing... all of that "encouragement" and "education" from the general public made us feel like failures if we weren't able to do it.    I have actually had complete strangers ask me if I breastfeed, followed with "oh good, breast is best" when I said yes.  What would they have said to me if I said no.  And for that matter, what business is it of theirs what I feed my baby?  The people telling me to "just give up already, and give her formula" weren't helpful at all either!  I didn't want to give Gracie formula, I wanted to breastfeed! 

I find mothers and women can be some of the most judgemental and harshest critics of other mothers and women.  It seems many mothers seem to know what's best for themselves and others, and have an opinion about everything, regardless of each individuals' own personal experience.

I'm breastfeeding Ella as well.  It's going much better than with Gracie.  However, all of the trouble I had with Gracie led to a "diagnosis" of extreme sensitivity.  Basically, that means that no matter how good the latch or how perfect breastfeeding is going, I will always find breastfeeding extremely painful.  I extremely dislike breastfeeding.  There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think "forumla feeding would be so much easier."  But, as previously mentioned, I'm stubborn!  I refuse to give up.  If I made it through my Gracie experience, I'm sure as hell not giving up this time!  Breastmilk is best.   I am reducing her risk of SIDS.  I can feed her no matter where I am. I don't have to worry about heating up formula.  And (one of the biggest factors for us), breastfeeding is free.  However, for any moms out there struggling under the pressure from society to breastfeed, please don't be fooled by the "naturalness" of breastfeeding.  For many people, there is nothing natural about breastfeeding, and there is nothing un-natural about forumla feeding.

I know the pressure and guilt that comes with trying to do something that sometimes feels so un-natural!  Please, breastfeed for the right reasons... because it's what best for baby and you.

Back home, and getting back to normal...

Well it's been a couple of weeks since the last time I wrote anything... I guess being away has really thrown us all off our schedules!  Life after a new baby is always crazy, but throw in a 36-hour, 1700 km trip (each way!), and two weeks "vacation," and you realize that crazy doesn't even begin to describe it!

The trip itself was pretty good.  Danny's dad got married, and we got to see all kinds of family that we haven't seen since our own wedding 3 years ago!  Gracie loved the island, and got to experience all sorts of true "Newfoundland" things.  She had moose stew, turr (basically a seagull, if you ask me!), went cod fishing, and got to see a caribou!  And she loved almost every minute of it.  She wasn't quite herself for a few days, not only after travelling without sleep for two days, but after 100 loveable Newfies tried to pick her up, kiss her, hug her, and talk to her.  Gracie is a very outgoing little girl, except when she first meets someone.  She takes time to warm up to new people, and she was NOT impressed with all of the strangers.  By the end of the vacation, though, she was much better!

Now we're home and settling back into our routine.  Gracie is back to her normal self, mom is all caught up on her sleep, Ella is still pooping, eating, and sleeping, and dad is back to work.  It almost seems like we're starting our life as a family of 4 from scratch now.  This is the first that we've been alone, and Ella is a month old!  It's craaaazy!  

Ella is a fantastic baby.  She cries less than Gracie did, which seems impossible since Gracie rarely cried!  She doesn't sleep quite as well as Gracie, she does get up once through the night to eat (shocker, I know!), but all-in-all, I can't complain!  She has the same belly issues that Gracie had at night time, between 8 and 9. I call it "witching hour."  But since she's already a month old, she should be outgrowing that soon too!  Now if we can just get this sleep thing mastered, I will be living the perfect life!

I've officially started my role as stay-at-home-mom.  Before now, we've been on vacation.  Now that Danny is back to work, and it's just me and the girlies, I can officially adopt that title.  So far, I'm doing amazing (if I can say so).  On Friday, we baked a cake and iced it (from scratch!!), I have my menu for the week planned, the grocery shopping is done, and the house is still clean (even after being home for a full week).  I don't know how long that will last, check back next week! :)

Yesterday I took the girls to church, just me and them.  Ella slept through most of it, and Gracie has been going since she was 4 weeks old, so it was the same old business for her.  I was a little afraid to go myself, with two little girls, but it went so smoothly!  I've been going to the church since I moved here when I was 6, and I have been sitting in the exact same seat since that time too... second pew from the front!  Earlier this year they replaced the pews with chairs, and I felt a little sad... like I should be able to take my pew home with me!  After 20 years, I'm sure the pew was perfectly molded to my bottom!

Ella is growing so big!  We go for her one-month checkup on Thursday (and Gracie's 18-month needles, eeek!) and I'm excited to see how much she weighs!  She is a very strong little girl, and tries to hold her head up all the time.  She is also very smiley!  Every time Danny speaks to her, she breaks into the biggest grins, and I can usually get them out of her too!  It's so nice to have a second happy baby!  She's starting to coo too, and nothing is better than those first little sounds!  I've been looking back at Gracie's baby pictures so I can remember what milestones come when, and I'm so excited to watch Ella grow up.  I'm not one of those mothers that want her kids to stay little forever... I love watching all the new things they can do, I love watching them grow and develop.  I love them getting big, because for every milestone and new thing they learn, it means we've done something right! :)

Well... this blog was allll over the place!  I guess that's what happens when someone who talks all the time is quiet for 2 weeks!  Time to get my thoughts back on track, and get this writing under control! :)

Oh... what a trip!

On Friday morning, we got up bright and early and began our two-day trek to Newfoundland.  It was 36 hours before we arrived at our destination, and we learned a lot on our travels!  Let me share with you some of our new-found wisdom!

1.  Just because it is 5 am when you wake up the babies, it doesn't mean they will go back to sleep

We learned this very quickly... despite our efforts to keep Gracie in the dark and quiet, once we were in the car, she was wide awake!  She had a blanket, and her bear, and yet that little girl would not go back to sleep.  So we started her day 2 1/2 hours earlier than usual.  Not a great way to start a trip, in hindsight! :)

Gracie ready for the trip... crackers, blanket, pajamas, bear!

2.  Your eagerness to hear that first word way back when... you will learn to hate it!

I never thought hearing a word would send shivers down my spine as much as the word "mommy" did by the end of hour 3.  One year ago, I remember hearing that word and thinking, "I love it, it will never get old."  Little did I know that hearing the word over and over and over again over the course of a 2-day trip would make me want to deafen myself with screwdrivers.  I know that sounds dramatic, and those of you who have yet to travel with a toddler (who cannot be reasoned with, by the way), will probably think I'm horrible for saying that.  But please... take my word for it.  Nobody will still love that word after hearing it like we did for two days.  Ever seen that episode of Family guy?  Here it is, for your viewing pleasure... and trust me, it's EXACTLY like this... that look on Lois' face, totally me! :)

3.  Learn the lyrics to as many different songs as possible... BEFORE leaving on the trip!

You know what word I hate more than "mommy"?  That would be "siiiiing."  Gracie loves to sing.  And by sing, I mean listen to other people sing!  And she gets very demanding when it comes to singing.  She demands it over breakfast, while you're putting on her shoes, while you're sitting on the couch, and, apparently, while you're driving to Newfoundland.  It was a good way to keep her quiet at first (and to stop all the "mommy"s).  Except that after an hour of singing the same 4 songs over and over again, I got tired and didn't want to do it anymore.  And she didn't like that!  She is also very particular about her songs... she knows what she wants to hear and when you start to sing something she doesn't like she cuts you off with a very firm "Nooooo!"  We sang Old MacDonald half a million times, along with Skinamarinky Doo, This Old Man, and our very own made-up song, "Gracie is a cranky butt," which she loves by the way.  When we sing it now, we stop at cranky, and she happily chimes in with "butt!"

4.  You cannot reason with a toddler

I think I already mentioned this a little... and it seems like common sense.  I mean, I already knew this before we left, but I was reminded very quickly halfway through day 2 when Gracie dropped her baby on the floor and I couldn't reach it for her.  She wanted it.  And she wanted it right now.  So no matter how many times I tried to explain to her that mommy couldn't reach her baby and she would get it at the next stop, Gracie just screamed and cried.  And of course, that made mommy explain it even louder, and with a little less patience. And soon, we were both very unhappy and on the verge of tears.  Which leads me to the next lesson...

5.  Tantrums can be thrown by anybody

I'm not gonna lie... I had some not-so-stellar mommy moments during the trip.  For the most part, Danny and I were both very patient and we were well prepared to handle the crankiest of children.  But any mother can, and will, breakdown after 24 hours without more than an hour or two of sleep and a screaming child in the back seat of a car.  At the beginning of day two, I even calmly explained to Danny that Gracie was terribly sleep deprived, having not napped at all the day before and going to bed super late, and that we would have to be extra patient since it wouldn't be her fault if she couldn't control herself.  I explained that all to him, and yet, after a meltdown of ginormous proportions by Gracie 5 minutes outside of Deer Lake, mommy threw her own tantrum in answer to Gracie's.  It wasn't pretty.  I wasn't proud.  And when we stopped the car, Danny took Gracie out, got her some snacks, and let mommy have a good 2-minute cry in the front seat.   Tantrums will happen.  And you will be surprised when you're the one throwing them.

Gracie in Deer Lake with the "misssss"

6.  Poop Happens

Duh.  Two kids in diapers, and poop is bound to happen.  But of all the days for poop, our two lovely children decided to pick the days when travelling in a cooped up space and on a ferry full of people.  They were poonamis.  Like tsunami... except with poop.  We went threw all the spare outfits I had packed in the diaper bag for Ella, and she spent day 2 in nothing but her diaper.  Gracie also decided to fill her shorts a few times... and I'd like to thank Grampy Fillmore for the wonderful idea of filling her full of corn on the cob the day before we left :)

7.  Nap time does not exist whilst on vacation

Not for babies, not for mommies, and not for daddies.  Ella was the exception.  She slept basically the entire trip.  Gracie would not sleep.  In fact, she screamed for 45 minutes on the boat while we tried to get her comfortable enough to fall asleep.  Yep, we were those passengers... the ones with the screaming kid.  And I was only slightly embarrassed... mostly because I was too tired to care.  Mommy didn't get her nap either.  Halfway through day 2 though, Gracie fell asleep.  Let me tell you that "bliss" does not even begin to describe how we felt in that hour when the car was silent and Danny and I could have a whole uninterrupted conversation. :)  I thought she would feel better when she woke up... nope!  Apparently, catching up on an hour's sleep when you are 7 hours behind just makes you crankier! :)

Well... that's all I can think of right now.  Mostly because I have yet to catch up on my sleep and my brain is still a little fuzzy.  I'm sure there were more lessons, and I'm sure we'll learn even more on the drive home.  But for now, Gracie is in bed, Ella is spending time with Nan and Pop Ford, and mommy is going to bed early to catch up on some sleep! :)

Week One.. and we survived it!

Well it's officially Week 2.  And we're all still alive and, best of all, still smiling!  After a rough start (see last post), the week has been pretty calm and quiet.  We arrived home from the hospital on Sunday afternoon and began settling back into our normal routines.  Ella fits right in!

Gracie is absolutely in love with her sister!  She's 1 1/2 years old right now, and for those who don't know what that looks like, it's a constant swirl of movement and sound!  Gracie is constantly moving and talking.  She never stops.  Except to sleep.  Nap time is heaven!  So Gracie will be twirling, running, dancing, hopping, or sashaying around the living room and all of a sudden remember she has a baby sister in the house.  She runs over to wherever Ella may be, leans in and gives her a hug and a kiss and says "awww."  Or sometimes she'll come over, pet the top of Ella's head and say "there."  Whenever we're leaving a room or going somewhere out of the house Gracie will ask "Ella?" "Ella?" over and over until we assure her that Ella is coming too.  She even tries to help carry the car seat.  When Ella is in the car seat, Gracie will rock it and say "sing," and if nobody listens to her, she'll sing herself!  "Baaaay-beeee, baaaay-beeee."  Gracie is a fantastic big sister!

We've been out to dinner twice (really, who has time to cook?!) and Ella slept through both meals.  We even ventured out to church this morning.  Again, Ella slept through it!  She is really easy-going and a good baby, much like Gracie.  However, all of you will be happy to know that she does not sleep through the night like Gracie did.  We were really lucky with Gracie, and apparently nobody likes to see that happen twice! :)  Ella goes down for the night between 11 and 11:30, and sleeps until around 3 am.  Sometimes she goes right back to sleep and sleeps until 6 or 7, but more often than not, it takes me a good hour to get her back to bed.  Really, it's an hour of me going to bed, getting back up, going back to bed, getting back up.  I think it's important to put her back in bed, instead of playing or talking to her for that hour... even if it means I get up and down 15 times.  Although, I have to say... the almost falling asleep and then being woken back up is exhausting!  It would probably be easier if I just stayed awake and waited for her to be fully asleep.  But it's 3 am... and I'm tired! :)

We had Ella's first doctor's appointment on Friday, the "well baby" visit.  When she left the hospital last Monday, she had dropped her weight from 7lbs 11oz, to 7lbs 5oz.  On Friday she had gained all her weight back, and more.  Our little girl weighed 8lbs 1oz.  That was fantastic news to me, and I did a little celebration dance right there in the waiting room, because that means we can now demand feed.  I'm not a huge fan of waking sleeping babies... it seems counter-productive and sometimes downright silly to me.  I have never woken up either of my girls during the night, but I do wake them up during the day to make sure they get all their feeds.  Now that she's over her birth weight, we demand feed.  Which means I don't wake Ella up at all anymore... when she's hungry, she'll wake up and tell me!  It's fantastic to be able to stop watching the clock and calculate the day in 3 and 4 hour intervals!

Later this week, we'll be leaving for Newfoundland... a two-day drive each way.  I've been feeling much better since my little adventure after Ella was born, and I'm hoping to be able to keep the energy up for the trip.  There's nothing worse than being on "vacation" and feeling like crap.  And I still find that after doing too much during the day, I pay for it in the evening and into the next day.  When they said do nothing and rest, I think they meant it!  Thank goodness my girls are easy, and my hubby looks after me!  Stay tuned for our next adventure... the Newfoundland trip! :)

Meeting Miss Ella... the rest of the story!

Well she finally decided to join us... Ella Pearl made her grand entrance on Friday, July 20, 2012 at 9:21 p.m.  

It started out as a normal day.  Grampy and Nanny Fillmore had left Fredericton bright and early and were on their way to our house, just in case.  We decided to get up and spend the morning walking the mall, hoping to speed things up a little.  Our induction was scheduled for today, July 22, and I didn't have much hope that walking - or anything else for that matter - was going to get Ella moving.

I had been having contractions off and on for a few days, but nothing was regular, and they were pretty wimpy feeling.  Grampy and Nanny arrived at 11:00, and we went home and had some lunch.  My mom and I decided to go grocery shopping once Gracie was down for her afternoon nap, so we headed for Superstore and loaded up on food.  It was 1:30.  Once I was at Superstore, I realized that my irregular contractions were actually happening about every 10 minutes.  We finished shopping and once we were home, I realized that the contractions were actually about every 5 minutes.  I called the hospital, and they recommended I come in "shortly," which to me meant get some supper, finish packing and head on in.  By the time we got to the hospital, they were 3 minutes apart.  They slowed down once they put me on the monitor and they asked me to go for a walk.  By the time I got back from the walk, there was no more question that I was having a baby that night.  Danny I took bets, we both agreed it would probably be between 1 and 3 am, since it was only 7:30 now.  They took me to labour and delivery, and the contractions were one on top of the other.  I asked for my epidural and they started prepping me for that (bloodwork, iv, etc.).  Sometime between 8:00 and 9:00 (I lost track of time, due to the fact that I STILL didn't have my epidural) my water broke and it turned out that in an hour or so I had gone from 4 cms to fully dilated.

"Sorry," the nurse said, no epidural.  "This baby is coming now."  I disagreed... I could wait!  I wanted those drugs.  3 pushes later however, and Miss Ella Ford arrived.  It was 9:21 p.m.  We were a little shocked.  We never expected it to happen so quickly.  It was over just after we realized it was actually happening!  I'm not going to lie, I have some friends that always do labour "au natural" but I don't know why anybody would do it drug free on purpose... that freaking hurt! :)  But we made it and we were ready to settle in for a nice evening, just the three of us.  Except then the shit hit the fan, as the say...

It turned out that my nice easy delivery was about to turn into the most painful, horrible night I had ever experienced.  I had a major bleed.  It started out with the nurse saying she was "concerned" about the amount of bleeding, to the doctor being rushed back in.  I will save you the details, but the doctor did what was called an "evacuation" of the uterus... I knew it was going to hurt when three nurses came to hold me down and the doctor was apologizing before he even began.  They were hopeful that the evacuation would stop the bleeding.  It did not.  I was put on an iv medication, which also didn't work, then given a shot in the thigh.  That also didn't work.  The doctor was called back again, and it was decided to try one more drug before they took me in for surgery.  That drug made me so sick it was unbelievable!  The nurse had to stay right by my side, swapping ice cold face cloths, one after another after another.  After an hour, we realized that the drug was working, surgery would not be needed and at 4 a.m., I was given an all-clear.  The bleeding had officially stopped.

We were able to move over to the maternity ward around 10:00 the next morning, just in time for mom and dad to arrive with Gracie.  We hadn't had a chance to fill them in on what had transpired after our "Ella is here" phonecall the night before, but by then I had been up, put on some makeup, and felt a lot better than I expected!  Apparently before the make-up went on, I was sheet white, but a little bit of blush can go a long way for photos! :)

I had some visitors, Gracie fell in love with her baby sister, and I got to have a nap that afternoon.  I don't know if I felt "good," but compared to 12 hours earlier, I felt fantastic!  I actually got some sleep that night, and I was ready to head home on Sunday.  We're now back home and settled in... although I have been advised "rest only for the next few weeks."

And of course, in the end... it was all worth it.  Cause here she is... Ella Pearl!

Ella Pearl Ford - 12 hours old

See... just a little blush! :)

A letter to Gracie...

Dear Gracie,

I don't know if you know it, but things around here are changing!  Your little sister is due to arrive any moment, and once she gets here, there's no going back!  Then it'll be the four of us from here on out, and things might be a little difficult for you at first!

I want you to know that I'll never forget that you were my first little girl!  I still remember waiting for you to be born (you were pretty darn stubborn about coming out too!), how difficult things were after you finally got here, and how I didn't really mind since I finally had you!  You've been the light of our lives for the last year and a half, making us laugh everyday!  You don't know this, but almost every night when you're in bed, daddy and I talk about all the funny and cute things you did that day, that way neither one of us misses out on any of the awesome things you do.  Sometimes when I miss a funny moment, and dad tells me about it later, I can picture you exactly as he explains it, and I love it!

I'm not going to lie, sometimes you drive me absolutely bonkers!  You're starting to learn more words and sentences now, and some days all I hear is "mommy, mommy, mommy, mommmmmmy, mommmmy, MOMMY!!" and it makes me laugh and yell all the same time.  You are not exactly patient, and you cannot wait to tell me exactly what is on your mind, so sometimes when I'm in the middle of a conversation, and I make you wait, and you get really loud yelling "mommy," I can't help but laugh when I finally say "WHAT, Gracie?!?" and all you have to say is "fly," or "bird."  It must be so wonderful to be that young and have the most exciting things in your life at the moment be the fact that you just saw a bird!  But I wont complain about you needing to tell me, I hope you always share with me the most boring and exciting parts of your life, because at least it means you're still sharing with me!

You have a great big attitude.  I've mentioned it a few times, and it's already getting you in trouble!  You've already had your fair share of time-outs because of your attitude, and I know you're going to have tons more!  But I wouldn't change that for the world.  Every morning when we're playing in the living room, you see the scars on my knees and come over and kiss them and say "awww."  When I pick you up from daycare, and one of the other kids are crying, I always see you go over and give them a big hug and kiss.  You may have a huge attitude, but you also have a huge heart!  And I hope that never changes!

Tonight when I was putting you to bed, I got a little sad.  There's only going to be another day or two when you're my only baby, and the one-on-one time is going to be harder to come by.  But I know you and your sister are going to be best friends growing up, and I'll work very hard to make sure you know how much daddy and I still love you too!  I'm probably taking this harder than you ever will, because I know how excited you are to meet your little sister!  But just so you know... we will always love you and always be here for you... attitude and all!! :)

Love you!

Mommy

xox