Filthy Little Mudbloods...

My little people were sick last week.  It seems that this time of year, there are always snotty, runny, noses, or hacking, gross coughs.  But this time, our little people did something they rarely do... they yarfed.   I'm pretty sure that's not a real word (and the red squiggly line under it confirms that), but it's a lot prettier than the other names for it... throw up, ralph, puke, barf, hurl, vomit, upchuck, toss one's cookies.  Anyway, it was pretty gross around here for a few days, and I blame the filthy little mudbloods we call children.

I dropped the girls off at the babysitter's house on Wednesday morning at 6:50 a.m.  Nobody else was there, and Nancy told me the other 4 kids had all called in sick.  Roh-oh.  That should have been my warning, right there.  But it wasn't.  It was 6:50 in the morning, so I was like "blah nah blah meh arg urngh... love you, see you later."  And off I went.  Danny called me at 9:20 a.m. and said Nancy had just called him and Ella had apparently yarfed all over her.  Danny's military, so of course he is extremely busy and overworked, but he managed to get the rest of the day off and went to pick up the girls.

I arrived home at 5:00 and the girls were... fine!  Running around, playing, screaming, and being their usual delightful selves.  Fantastic!  We had supper, bath time, and put the girls to bed.  Danny went off to juijitsu, and I settled in for a nice relaxing evening.  Since eating at 5:00 is not an option for this baby-to-be (that's right, it's a pain in the ass already!), I settled down with my supper and turned on the TV.  At 6:55, a mere 20 minutes after bedtime and 10 minutes after Danny had left the house, I heard Gracie crying.  And then screaming.   I ran downstairs and opened her door to ask her what was wrong... she sat up, turned toward me, and yarfed twice all over her bed (and herself).  Apparently that was the second and third round of yarfing.  

I have a tolerance for filthy little children that includes poop explosions, snotty noses, and every conceivable bodily function... except for that.  The last time Gracie yarfed, I ran away while Danny got covered from  head to toe.  Unfortunately, Danny wasn't home.  And although I considered making her stay there until he arrived to clean her up, that was a full hour and a half away.  And I'm just not that mean.  

"Okay," I said. "Let's go upstairs and get you cleaned up. But I'm not carrying you, do you think you can walk?"  She could, except every step she took was dropping yarf on the floor.  Finally I picked her up by the seat of the pants and the back of her shirt and carried her that way up the stairs.  You people can judge all you want, but a yarfed-on kid is gross, and I was not about to start yarfing myself!  I managed to get her clothes off and into the sink, and got her into the bath.  She was laying down (apparently) the first time she yarfed, so it was all in her hair.  I washed her hair five times.  She still smelled.  That was the best I could do.  I asked her if she felt okay to stay in the tub while I went to clean up.  By now, she was smiling and laughing and said she felt great!  Great!  I tied a scarf around my face and went and cleaned up the yarf.  I'll spare you the details, but I did it. All by myself.  I was proud.  I texted Danny, and I'm pretty sure it said something like "You bastard!  You left and Gracie yarfed all over herself and her room."  Please feel free to place an f-word in there once... or twice.

I could hear Gracie singing away in the bathtub and she kept yelling down at me "Mommy, I feel good. My tummy doesn't hurt at all.  I'm staying in to play, okay?"  Fantastic.  She played while I dumped a half-bottle of Febreeze over every crevice of her room.  When I was done, she was still playing away so I got changed and sat down to finish my supper.  No sooner had the fork touched my lips than she said, "Mommy... *groan* I'm ready to get out now, my tummy hurts!"  I ran in, wrapped a towel around her and shoved her at the toilet... where she yarfed some more.   I learned two things from the second yarfing experience.  1) Yarf splashes.  Do not look over shoulders to ensure she is okay, or you will be splashed.  2)  I need to keep my toilet cleaner.  After she was done, she started singing again and asked to sleep in my room until daddy got home.  That sounded good to me, so we went to my room where I got changed again, put her in new jammies and watched TV till daddy got home.

When he arrived, Gracie said she still felt great so we got her ready for bed again.   I brushed her teeth, and said good night to her in the bathroom.  She asked me for a kiss and puckered up, to which I replied "No freaking way, kiss me on the cheek."  With her lips still puckered up, she leaned in, and yarfed all over the floor and onto my pants.  Back to the toilet she went, while I scrubbed the bathroom floor and Danny laughed at the fact that if I were a better mother who accepted kisses from her kids, I would have had a mouthful of yarf.   Take that, fancy parents! 

We decided we didn't want a repeat of the bed incident, so Gracie and Danny settled onto the couch to watch some more TV and to make sure her stomach was settled before we put her back to bed.  She crashed around 10:30, and slept through the night.  Danny offered to stay home with her the next day, which I thought was a good idea, since we didn't want her yarfing on the kids at daycare.  The next morning, I dropped Ella off at the sitters, and periodically checked in with Gracie and Danny.  She was great, and they spent the day watching movies and snuggling on the couch.  That night, after being exhausted for having to care for a sick kid all day (*sarcasm*) Danny needed a boys night out.  I put the girls to bed and after making lunches and cleaning up, settled into bed.  I fell dead asleep around 9:00, only to be awoken at 10:15 by the cries of a yarfing Gracie.  "You've got to be freaking kidding me" I said.

This time, Gracie's aim was much better, and she yarfed straight into her lap, which was covered by a blanket, and onto the floor.  I picked her up, threw the blanket in the wash, and took off her pajama top (splash-back).  I had been awoken from a dead sleep, and, hey! I'm pregnant! so I used that as an excuse to bring her upstairs, brush her teeth, and let her crawl into bed with me.  I texted Danny, told him what had happened and let him know there was a pile of yarf on the bedroom floor for him to look after when he got home.  He thought I was joking.  I assured him I was not and tried to go back to sleep.  Except Gracie's tummy felt GREAT now!  "Mommy, I threw up again.  I'm sick.  Except I don't feel sick.  I feel good.  Can I go to Nancy's tomorrow.  Maybe I should stay home again.  Is daddy staying home?  Are you staying home?  Is Ella staying home?  Ella should go to Nancy's. Can I have a drink?  I want a sucker.  Can I get in the bath?  I dont feel sick you know Mommy.  I like cats.  Where's the moon?  Is it cold outside?"   Oh for the love of God!  Leave it to my children to get sick and somehow end up with more energy than they had before the yarfing!  This child, I have discovered, really does not ever stop talking!  

That was the end of the yarfing adventures.  Here's hoping it's the last for this flu season.  Although I'm not really convinced it was the flu.  There were no fevers, no coughs, no tired achy muscles.  Just a lot of yarfing.  Gross, nasty, yarfing.  Filthy little mudbloods. 

Making Memories

Ahhh, snow days!  Mama stayed home from work, daddy's work got cancelled... it's the perfect day to make some memories with the girls!  Except that they're at daycare.  That's right... before the weather got too bad here this morning I dropped them off at Nancy's house to make memories there.  We tried the "making memories" thing last snow storm... it did not go well!

About two weeks ago, I woke up and the snow was falling outside.  I had cancelled my Sunday School classes and had already decided I wasn't going to venture to church.  The lawn was covered in white, and it was just beautiful outside.  It was getting so close to Christmas, and I gleefully posted on Facebook our intentions for the day:  Homemade pancakes, pajamas all day, snowman building outside.  It had the makings of a beautiful day...

Gracie came upstairs when her clock turned yellow wearing nothing but her underwear.  "Where are my new socks, mommy?"  I explained that all of her new socks were dirty and she could wear her other socks until they were clean.  That was not an acceptable answer.  "I thought today, we'd stay in our pajamas all day, since there's a snow storm outside!  Won't that be fun, Gracie?"  Gracie is almost three.  Which means she's basically a teenager.  Which means that did not sound like fun to her.  "Mommy, I'm getting dressed.  I pick out my own clothes now, and I want to get dressed."  Fine, clothes it was.  (By the way, she means it when she says she picks out her own clothes now.  So if you see us out in public, don't judge me.  Judge her.)   Ella also chose that moment to, shall we say, dirty her pajamas.  Fine.  No pajama day.

With the girls dressed, I started prepping the pancakes.  We were also having bacon, a real treat in our house.  I was very excited.  The girls were too.  They wanted to eat.  Now.  Now.  NOW!!!!!  I tried to explain that I was cooking, and it would only be a few minutes.  Not good enough.  Especially for Ella who, I may have mentioned in the past, is her own special kind of bad.  And when she gets hungry, she's extra bad.  I spent the next 10 minutes chasing Ella out of the cupboards, while she screamed and yelled "Eeeeeeat" and pointed at the food I was denying her.  Finally, I gave her a bowl of cheerios to hold her over until breakfast was ready and sent her to play in the living room with Gracie.  Danny was awake by now and making us hot beverages (coffee for him, tea for me).  The girls were playing nicely in the living room, breakfast was smelling delicious and I thought, for a moment, the day might still turn out beautiful.

Then Ella dropped her bowl of cheerios on the floor while Charlie quickly gobbled them up.  She screamed like Charlie just chewed her arms off, and Gracie tried to scold the dog and calm Ella down.  Nothing helped, not even the offer of more cheerios.  Nothing comes between that girl and her food!  Finally, breakfast was ready, and we all sat down to eat.  Well most of us sat down.  I sat down for a minute, long enough to butter my pancakes, when the usual meal-time requests started:  "Can I have milk?" "I need a napkin." "Mom, I spilled it, can I have some more?" "I want ketchup."  "Yes, ketchup does go on pancakes." "How about mustard then?" "Eeeeeeeat!!!" "More milk please?" "I dropped my fork, can I have a clean one?"

We finished breakfast, cleaned up the kitchen, and went downstairs to watch The Santa Clause.  We all snuggled on the couch and things were looking beautiful again.  Of course, that lasted mere minutes because Ella realized it had been 20 minutes since she had eaten and she was hungry again.  With snacks in hand, we sat down again.  Then the girls got up, and down, and up, and down, and in, and out, and up, and down.  We had toys from the bedroom spread all over the living room and the girls played while we watched the movie.  Then they fought, and fought some more.  Ella cried, Gracie whined, and I wished I could have a glass of wine.  

Lunch time came, and then our favourite part of the day... nap time!  I was exhausted, so after the kids were in bed, I laid down on the couch for a little snooze with Danny and finished watching The Santa Clause.  We decided that after nap time, when we were all feeling better and refreshed, we would go outside to play in the snow.  We had never really played with Ella in the snow before, so we were very excited.  This time last year, she was an immobile lump we used to stuff inside a snowsuit and lay on the ground outside while we played.  This year, she was walking, and talking, and it was going to be so much fun.  

Nap time ended an hour earlier than it should have.  That was not good news.  Danny went outside to shovel the pathway to the driveway while I was going to get the girls into their snowsuits.  I'm not sure exactly how it started, but both girls were somehow crying.  Gracie needed to have a pee before I would suit her up, which she was refusing to do.  Ella woke up an hour early, so she was crying when she came out of bed. 

"Go pee please, Gracie."

"No."

"Gracie, you have to go pee before we can go outside."

"I don't WANT to!"

"You have to, and I'm counting to three, and then you'll have to have a time out for not listening."

"NO! Unnngh!"

Gracie got her time out, which made her crankier, and she cried and whined.  Because she was crying, Ella felt the need to outcry her.  I kept trying to coax them into their snowsuits.  Gracie didn't want to put her snowpants on before her coat, and that turned into a big fight. I took deep breaths and calmly tried to explain why things had to be done in a certain order, but little tiny attitudes got bigger and bigger and bigger.  Ella was now lying on the floor bawling her eyes out and Gracie was standing in the living room with her snow pants on, head pointed toward the ceiling sobbing and crying.

"Oh for the love of God!" I yelled, "I'm just trying to make some freaking memories with you girls! Can we not just put on our freaking snowsuits and go outside and have some freaking fun?!?!"  (For the record, I did say freaking.  Good for me.)  They screamed louder.

I stomped down the stairs, opened the front door and yelled "Danny, come and get these kids dressed before I have a mental breakdown!"  He had no idea what was going on, since when he walked out the door the girls were yelling "Yaaaaaaay!" because we had asked them if they wanted to go outside to play.  He came in, and saw the three of us in tears.  He laughed, God love him, and started to calm Gracie down enough to at least get her dressed.  I tackled Ella and stuffed her into her snowsuit, while she yelled and screamed the whole time.  They were ready.  Thank God.  I got dressed, and Gracie had three more meltdowns on the stairs before we could even get her outdoors.  Finally, I told Danny to just throw them outside and hopefully that would help.  It did.  Gracie immediately smiled and started playing.  Ella fell and couldn't get up and started crying.  Then she couldn't walk, and cried some more.  Then she fell again, and cried even louder.  We decided to put them in the sled and give them a quick ride to lighten them up.  They both smiled and yelled "wheee" as Danny started to pull away.  Then he hit a snow bank, then sled flipped over, and Ella landed face down in the snow. It was not a good moment.  I spent the next 30 minutes carrying Ella so she didn't have to touch the snow while Danny shovelled the driveway.  Once there was a relatively smooth place for Ella to walk, she decided she didn't mind the snow so much and walked in circles and smiled.  Danny was able to try the sled again, and the girls loved it.

We went inside, had supper, had bath time, and put the girls to bed.  All without further incident.  But as for making those kinds of memories again?  I don't freaking think so!  Maybe when they're older.  Or when I can drink again.  Or both.  Memories are over rated... they wont remember them in 5 years anyway!

A New Year...

It's officially here... welcome, 2014!  A new year provides many opportunities to "start over" and lots of people take advantage of it with New Years' resolutions.  Danny and I have dubbed this our "year to get healthy" so I guess we're on the resolution bandwagon too.  Here's hoping we don't fail by February!

Our aim this year is to be healthier... not just physically, but financially, emotionally, and in our relationship.  The whole kit and caboodle.  We have a lot happening this year (have you heard, baby #3 is on the way?) and we figured it's a good time for that whole "lifestyle change" thing people are always talking about.  Before mama is out of a job for the third time in three years, before Danny does or does not get into university, before we do or do not sell and buy a new house.  It's a year full of unexpected for us, and the best way for us to be ready for that is to finally get in control of the things we can.  

Physically, we plan to eat better.  We've had that plan forever.  We don't our girls raised on french fries and potato chips, and we have fed them way more crap than we ever intended to.  And although we've been accused of brainwashing them (that's right mother, I'm calling you out!), teaching your kids that fruits are healthy is not a bad thing.  We're not going crazy and banning junk food... we just want a treat to be a treat.  A real treat.  Something they get excited over.  I remember growing up that when our parents took us to McDonalds, it was, like, the best thing that could ever happen to us.  McDonalds, nowadays, meas nothing to a lot of people because they have it so often.  We're planning on making healthy food our every day norm, with treat days being incredibly enjoyable.  Also, we're supposed to work out and get healthier that way too... I say, don't count on that one from me! :)

Financially speaking, we're going on a money diet.  No more spending money on things we don't need.  Most importantly, and this one kills me, no more money on eating out.  I am a terribly lazy excuse for a human, and although I am a fairly good cook, I hate it.  Cause I'm lazy.  No, strike that.  I'm tired.  Tired from work, tired from kids, tired from life.  And that makes me lazy.  So I very often play the "lets just eat out tonight" card and Danny lovingly obliges me.  No more!  He's under strict orders that, unless it's eat-out-night, there shall be no dinners out.  Also, our dinners out are going to count.  Real restaurants with food we enjoy.  Instead of the crap they serve at places like Pizza Delight and, well that's it, cause that's all that's here in Greenwood.  Hello Kellocks, Falcourt, Pasta Jax, and Union Street!  Get ready, cause you will be loved.  By me.  Twice a month.

Emotionally, we've decided to put the focus back on Danny and I.  Our kids are important, duh.  But we've taken our relationship for granted sometimes by putting the kids first.  Yeah, yeah... there are TONS of memes and cute little expressions telling you that you're not a real parent unless you sacrifice this, and deny yourself that, and put your kids before your own happiness.  I call bullshit.  An unhappy wife does not make for a very happy mommy.  So we've decided to make our relationship important again.  After all, our kids will be much happier if we're happy.  And to stay happy, we need to make time for each other. 

So that's it... our New Years' resolution.  It's a big resolution.  But it's been something we've been preparing ourselves for for a while.  Something that's been a long time coming.  Wish us luck!  I'm quite confident we'll have more luck than, say, whenever I attempt to quit swearing.  Oh fuck, I said bullshit earlier!  Shit, I just said fuck.  Yeah, see... that one's not possible!  Also, I heard Gracie playing with her toys today, and she yelled "dammit!" so I'm apparently not any closer to not rubbing off on her, either!  Yeeeesh!

Oh!  I also promise to write more frequently now.  I was waiting for the baby headaches to go away, but since that doesn't seem to be happening, I will suck it up.  The last three months have been incredibly tiresome for me, but here's hoping healthier living will make life easier to stay awake through!  Here's also hoping I'm wrong about the headaches, and they will magically disappear now that it's a new year.  And if they don't disappear, here's hoping I can finish the 3 other blogs I started to write over the last 8 weeks and fell asleep through.  Here's also hoping I can start remembering to capture the amazing things that my children are doing.  They are hilarious, and entertaining, and their own special kind of bad, and I need to start sharing that again before I forget it all.

Happy New Year everyone!  I wish you all a fantastic year filled with happiness and great adventures.  Well, maybe not all of you... some of you I wish the fleas of a thousand camels invade your crotch and your arms be too short to scratch.  But most of you... a happy, happy year!! :)

The Baby Confession...

It has been weeks since I've written.  The last few months have been sporadic at best and now I can confess why... I, once again, have baby brain!  That's right, Danny and I have decided that it's time to add to our brood and Baby Ford #3 is due in June!

We are all very excited... Gracie especially.  The day before I found out that I was pregnant, she very confidently stopped me in Walmart, put her hand on my belly and said "Mama, did you know you have a baby in there?"   I denied it, and she said "Well, it's very, very little, but it's there!"  Fast forward 24 hours, and I was thinking "Holy crap, we have a little fortune teller here!"  Fast forward three more weeks (before we actually told her we were pregnant) and she said, "Mommy, did you know you have a baby in your belly?  Hmmm... actually, there are two babies in there!"  Roh-oh!  Here's hoping her second prediction turns out to be wrong!! (And for the record, we only heard one tiny little heartbeat this morning at our appointment!)

Ella, for her part, couldn't really give a crap.  She's taken to checking out her belly every now and then, but other than that, doesn't really grasp the concept of what's going on.  She'll be nearly two when this baby is born, a full 6 months older than Gracie was, so I'm sure she'll get it by then.  Then she'll be subjected to middle-child syndrome, where she will suddenly be less loved than her two siblings (sorry, Leslie, but I hear it's true!).  Just kidding, Ella may be her own special being, but we will always love her just as much as the other two.  Except when she's acting like the demon spawn of Satan.  Kidding. Heh. Heh.

This pregnancy has been much the same as the first two, with a few glaring differences:  While I had zero nausea with Gracie and Ella, I have had definite feelings of queasiness this time around.  Mind you, they last mere minutes and then disappear so I can't really complain.  I also developed my "pregnancy headaches" much earlier, and they seem to get worse with each baby (yay!).  But the biggest difference (and the one that has Danny hoping that this baby is a boy) is my sudden aversion to... chicken wings!  That's right... my favourite, go-to, must-have-at-least-weekly, food suddenly makes me want to barf.  Not. Impressed.  Weirdly enough, I have been craving tater tots of all things.  I've never really eaten tater tots before, but I saw them in the store and had to have them!  I've also eaten enough Mr. Noodle to fill my coffin with salt, but there's no arguing with a pregnant woman and her food cravings!

Work has been very supportive of this pregnancy (well, after we talked one of my bosses off a ledge and she told me no less than 10 times that "it's okay, I'll get through this, I'll be okay" - referring to herself, by the way, not me!), and I'm excited to say that I actually plan to take at least a full year of maternity leave this time around.  

So this is going to be a big year for us.  The last of the Ford children, a potential new house purchase, Danny's potential enrollment in University, and my embarkation on a full-fledged stay-at-home-mom adventure... should give me lots of new inspiration for writing.  Well, when I'm not drooling, tripping over simple words, peeing for the 100th time in one day, eating tater tots, or sleeping, that is!  Stay tuned... the Ford Family Adventures are about to get a lot more adventurous!

Vacation is *$@&%*! awesome! (Day 1)

It's finally here... my week off!!  I took this week off because I had vacation days to use up by the end of the year.  Danny is taking Thursday and Friday with me, but the first three days are allllll mine!  I worked my ass off last week to be able to enjoy this week.  I went to work at 6:30 some mornings, worked through my lunches, and stayed late just to make sure that I could enjoy this week without stressing out about what was going on at the office.

I have big plans too.  I intend to do... nothing!  The girls are going to daycare, the husband is going to work.  Danny even agreed to get up with the girls in the mornings, get them ready, and take them to Nancy's.  This will be a fantastic three days...

Day 1:

5:40 - "Oh shit, it's 5:40, I have to get up.  Oh.  Wait.  Nope, it's vacation. Heh, heh, heh.  I get to sleep in as late as I want!"

5:47 - "Is it time to get up?  Nope, not even 6 yet.  Okay then.  Back to sleep."

5:55 - "Still not asleep.  Okay, maybe if I sing... I've got a love-e-ly bunch of coconuts, doodilee doo.  There they are a standing in a row, boomp boomp boomp...."

6:25 - "Awesome, I fell back asleep.  But it's still only 6:25.  What to do, what to do."

6:35 - "Oh, Ella's awake.  Danny.  Danny.  Do you hear that?  Ella's awake.  How can he can sleep through that screeching??"

6:40- "Okay, everybody should be gone in the next 10 minutes and I can finally go back to sleep and 'sleep in.'"

7:02 - "Oh. My. God.  What is taking them so freaking long to get out of this house?  I have to pee, and if I get up now, the girls will want to talk and hug and kiss, and I'm supposed to be freaking sleeping in!

705 - "Oh thank God, they're gone.  Whoooohoooooo!!!  I get to sleep in!  Whooooohoooo!  Vacation!"

7:15 - "Well shit.  I'm obviously wide awake.  But I'm not getting out of bed.  No freaking way.  Hmmm... I'm kid of hungry.  Oh look, the girls's Halloween chips are here in our bedroom, I'll just have a little bag to tie me over."

7:20 - "I love Netflix.  How I Met Your Mother at 7:00 in the morning is awesome.  Hmm, I'm still kind of hungry.  Just one more bag of chi... what the hell??  I ate all of them?  All 7 bags??!?  Faaaack!"

8:30 - "Okay, I guess I should get up now and get shit accomplished.  I want to clean the kitchen today, that's my goal.  I really don't feel like cleaning though.  Maybe I should check out Pinterest and see if I can find some inspiration..."

10:23- "Fuck!  Pinterest you are wasting my life away..."

10:30- "Okay, seriously, put down the computer and start cleaning."

12:00 - "Great, the dishes are done and the kitchen is clean.  Time for lunch.  Salad?  Nope.  Chicken and rice?  Nope.  Mr. Noodle?  Oh hells yes."

12:05 - "Oh, Danny's home for lunch.  Hi Danny.  Yes, I'm eating Mr Noodle.  Because it's freaking awesome, that's why.  What?  Why is there a bowl filled with empty chip bags sitting on our bed???  Umm... look, I cleaned the kitchen, ta-da!!"

12:35 - "Okay, Danny's gone back to work so I have until 5:00 to get the laundry put away and maybe have a little nap."

1:00 - "There are 3 baskets filled with the girls' clothes.  How do they own this many clothes?  How do they wear this many clothes?  Okay, turn on The Good Wife while I fold... that'll keep me distracted."

1:55 - "Oh a text from Danny... 'hi babe.  Just took me an hour to fold the girls' clothes.  WTF? lol'"

1:56 - "Hmm... I'm kind of hungry.  Oooh, nachos!  I'm going to make some nachos! Saa-weeet!"

2:05 - "Holy crap, these nachos smell delicious.  I can't wait!  'Get. In. Ma. Bellllly!'  Oh shit, is that Danny pulling in?  Oh, hi babe!  Heh. heh. heh.  Yup, these nachos are for me.  Yes.  All of them.  Yes, an entire plate full.  What else did I eat today?  Umm, 7 bags of chips and a Mr. Noodle.  And now this ginormous plate of nachos.  Ahhhh... want one?"

2:15 - "Might as well watch some more TV for a bit while I clean... this plate of nachos."

3:45 - "What the hell was that?  My phone?  Oh crap.  I must have fallen asleep.  Okay.  Time to get up.  Maybe get dressed.  I should probably brush my teeth too.

4:15 - "Okay, time to get the girls.  Gym pants or jeans.  Gym pants or jeans?  Ah hell, gym pants.  Also, these slippers have hard bottoms, so I think I'll just wear these too."

5:00 - "Yes, I know that you're hungry.  And I've been home all day, so you know I've whipped up something delicious for supper.  What is it?  What are we having?  Ummm.... scrambled eggs!  With cheese! Yummy!  Yes, you do like scrambled eggs.  Yes you do.  Well you're going to eat them anyway, because I spent all day making them!"

The rest of the night was pretty uneventful too.  We took the girls to the mall.  Put them to bed.  Cleaned the kitchen.  Yes, again.  Because heaven forbid the kitchen stay clean for longer than 2 hours at a freaking time!!  I went to a friend's house for some girl chat, got a text from Danny at 8:05 saying he was exhausted and going to bed and asking if I could make the girls' lunches for the next morning.  Got home around 10:30, made the lunches.  Realized I wasn't tired at all.  Pinterested till 11:45 and went to bed, ready to start my nice relaxing Day 2 of vacation... wait, I was up at 6:00 a.m. again?  Epic meltdown of all time?  Ugghh... day 2 isn't looking so hot!!!

That Yucky Love Thing...

A few months ago we bought Gracie a new book.  It's called "That Yucky Love Thing."  It's about a boy who is grossed out by all the yucky love stuff going on around him so he escapes to the sea, the jungle, the moon, and finally a deserted island to get away from it.  There he meets Sam, a girl who has also escaped the yucky love stuff.  Of course, they end up holding hands in the end.  Yuck.  Double Yuck.

Wanna know why I'm remembering this book right now?  Because a little while ago, I wrote about how people post the most personal crap on Facebook.  I talked about fights, custody battles, temper tantrums, and all sorts of bad behaviour.  But I forgot one.  That yucky love stuff.

"Dear Boyfriend.  I love you so, so, so much.  My world was a dark empty hole before you came along to light up my life. xoxooxox *heart symbol *winky face"

Yuck.

"Dear Girlfriend.  You are so incredibly amazing and are the sexiest woman in the whole entire world.  I'm so blessed to have you in my life, and I would just shrivel up and die if we ever had to spend more than a few minutes apart. xoxoxo *kissy face *heart symbol"

Double yuck.

There are only a few reasons to post shit like that on Facebook.  One... for the "likes" you'll get.  Nothing like having 36 thumbs-up to tell you how amazing you're being to your significant other.  Two... to impress the person you're gushing about.  Three... dear single people, HAHAHA!  And four... you really think you're being sweet and genuine and Facebook is the perfect forum to spout sonnets to your lover.

Reason #1 - For every like you're getting, there are four of us throwing up in our mouths a little.

Reason #2 - She's amazing, we all get it.  Try whispering it in her ear, it's way more romantic. If they're as amazing as you say they are, they probably don't want to read about it on Facebook anyway.

Reason #3 - Obviously you're happy.  And a little while ago, maybe you weren't.  So why not show all the other miserable people how miserable they still are!  You just want to rub it in... a little bit!

Reasons #4 - I have a feeling that in a few months when this yucky love stuff wears off, you'll be the same ones with statuses like this: "My heart is broken in a million pieces and I don't think I'll ever be whole again.  Don't want to talk about it.  Going to cry myself into oblivion now! *broken heart symbol *sad face *teary face"  Or maybe this one "Skank gone and left me for another man.  Who the hell does she think she is?  Karma's a bitch, and you'll get what's yours you piece of..."  When you get to this point in your life, read this.

Don't get me wrong, I love love.  I think it's stupendous!  I think it's fabulous!  I think it's what keeps me going most days.  But share it with the whole wide world, day after day after day, and it gets awfully yucky.  I tell Danny I love him every day, often more than once.  But I don't profess it for the whole world to see... or when I do, it's when I find a funny, romantic, totally me way to tell him... like this:

I'm pretty convinced that the only people who love our yucky love stuff are Danny and me.  Sure, people are happy that we're happy.  But for the most part, nobody else could give a crap if the light in my life is shining a little brighter because my smoochy poo is the most amazing, incredible blessing I have ever had the pleasure of loving.  When people read that crap, we all collectively barf.  And there's nothing romantic and uplifting about barf.

But for the record:  Danny, you truly are the most amazing thing to ever happen to me, and I don't know where I would be without your love and support.  I love that you love me, no matter how crazy I act, no matter how much I curse, and no matter how much I hate that yucky public love stuff.  I'll love you forever, and for always.  xoxoxox. :) :) :) :) :)  <3 <3 <3

Giving Thanks... with sarcasm.

Well Thanksgiving weekend is over... we're on to the next holiday, Halloween!  And as much as we're looking forward to dressing the girls up and taking them around the neighbourhood so we can enjoy some free candy, I feel as though I should give thanks for the blessings we celebrated this past weekend.

We decided to head up to Gagetown to spend Thanksgiving with my parents.  They are always travelling to see us, so we decided to make the 5 1/2-hour trip ourselves this time.  I'm thankful to my husband, for convincing me that was a good idea.

I had to work until noon on Friday, so Danny and the girls (and Charlie) met me at my office around 12:30 and we were off.  I had Danny stop to pick up some easy lunch to feed the girls (chicken nuggets and french fries - not at all healthy, but a helluva lot cleaner to eat in the car than a chicken wrap and apple sauce!).  I doled out the food to the girls, and off we went.  Since I was already in Kentville, the trip was half an hour shorter than I was expecting.  I'm thankful that I wasn't allowed to take the whole day off and spent my morning counting down the hours till lunchtime - hey, at least it saved me half an hour driving!

We hit the highway, and Gracie said "are we almost there yet?"  That's right... three minutes into our drive, and the questions started.  She also repeated that question at minute 5, 8, 11, 12, 13, 14, and 22.  I"m thankful my two-year old speaks so articulately, and with such volume. 

Have I mentioned before that Ella refuses to talk?  Apparently Gracie does enough talking for the both of them, so Ella has decided that screaming, grunting, and pointing is enough communication for her.  So she screeched and grunted her way through the next 2 hours of our drive.  Did I also mention that her nap time is at 1:00, and for the most part, my kids refuse to sleep in the car?  I'm thankful that after 2 hours of screaming and screeching, she finally fell asleep!

Gracie, for her part, was a pretty good traveller.  Around Truro we put on The Backyardigans, and except for the occasional verbal diarrhea, she was pretty great.  We stopped in Moncton for a snack for the kids, and made it to my parents' house just before 6:00.  I'm grateful for grandparents, on whom I unload my children and my dog, and who had a delicious pot of seafood chowder waiting for us when we arrived!

After 5 1/2 hours of driving, we attempted to put the children to bed at their regular time.  Ella went to bed pretty damn easily (I'm thankful for that - no sarcasm!).  Gracie had a total meltdown.  It was fun.  I'm grateful I slept downstairs and let my mom deal with the 3 a.m. wake-up call.  Sucker.

The weekend was pretty good.  On Saturday we went to the toy store (our children have never been in a toy store.  They were pretty amazed!), bought some tea, and went to Costco.  The girls had their regular naps, we played in the leaves, had a bonfire, and had an uneventful bedtime.  Sunday was pretty good too.  Dad and Grampy took the girls pumpkin picking (or, as Nanny says, "punkin"), Nanny and I went shopping, and we had a delicious turkey/roast beef supper.  I'm thankful that Ella is an incredibly picky eater who screeches and grunts and shakes her head "no" through every single meal while barely touching a thing... that means more leftovers for us.

On Monday we had breakfast (ooooh - I'm thankful for bacon.  I ate three packages throughout the weekend.  It. Is. Delicious. Yummy.), packed up and headed home.  Amazingly, our children were pretty close to silent for the first two hours of the trip.  We put on The Backyardigans, and they just zoned out until we reached Amherst.  I'm thankful we're crazy parents who only let our kids watch TV on the weekend because it means they stay incredibly entertained for two solid hours when travelling.

In Amherst we got lunch and while we were putting Gracie back in the car, she saw somebody smoking.  We told her that it was unhealthy, and yucky, and she was never, ever, ever, ever, allowed to smoke.  I'm thankful my two-year old has a such a strong mind of her own, because she promptly lost her shit, told us she was going to smoke when she got older, and she would decide for herself once she was a "big girl."  That was 10 minutes of pure tantrum throwing, screaming, grunting, and crying.  I'm thankful she's not a teenager.  Yet.

Gracie spent most of the next 3 hours being mostly really good.  Ella did not.  She screeched, and screamed, and cried, because heaven-forbid that girl have a freaking nap.  Just after New Minas, she let out one last scream and then passed out cold.  Danny also fell asleep, and Gracie watched her shows.  The last 20 minutes of the drive were pure heaven.

I'm thankful for restaurants, where we ate supper, and early bedtimes, which we all enjoyed.  The girls were in bed by 6:30, and Danny and I followed.  Although we watched TV for a bit, I'm fairly sure I was unconscious long before any adult should fall asleep.  I also slept through my alarm this morning and feel a little like death now.  Kids are exhausting, travelling is exhausting, and I'm exhausted.  But in all seriousness, I am thankful for my family; my kids, Danny, and my parents.  They're all pretty amazing, and give me lots of (serious) things to be thankful for! :)