Vacation is *$@&%*! awesome! (Day 1)

It's finally here... my week off!!  I took this week off because I had vacation days to use up by the end of the year.  Danny is taking Thursday and Friday with me, but the first three days are allllll mine!  I worked my ass off last week to be able to enjoy this week.  I went to work at 6:30 some mornings, worked through my lunches, and stayed late just to make sure that I could enjoy this week without stressing out about what was going on at the office.

I have big plans too.  I intend to do... nothing!  The girls are going to daycare, the husband is going to work.  Danny even agreed to get up with the girls in the mornings, get them ready, and take them to Nancy's.  This will be a fantastic three days...

Day 1:

5:40 - "Oh shit, it's 5:40, I have to get up.  Oh.  Wait.  Nope, it's vacation. Heh, heh, heh.  I get to sleep in as late as I want!"

5:47 - "Is it time to get up?  Nope, not even 6 yet.  Okay then.  Back to sleep."

5:55 - "Still not asleep.  Okay, maybe if I sing... I've got a love-e-ly bunch of coconuts, doodilee doo.  There they are a standing in a row, boomp boomp boomp...."

6:25 - "Awesome, I fell back asleep.  But it's still only 6:25.  What to do, what to do."

6:35 - "Oh, Ella's awake.  Danny.  Danny.  Do you hear that?  Ella's awake.  How can he can sleep through that screeching??"

6:40- "Okay, everybody should be gone in the next 10 minutes and I can finally go back to sleep and 'sleep in.'"

7:02 - "Oh. My. God.  What is taking them so freaking long to get out of this house?  I have to pee, and if I get up now, the girls will want to talk and hug and kiss, and I'm supposed to be freaking sleeping in!

705 - "Oh thank God, they're gone.  Whoooohoooooo!!!  I get to sleep in!  Whooooohoooo!  Vacation!"

7:15 - "Well shit.  I'm obviously wide awake.  But I'm not getting out of bed.  No freaking way.  Hmmm... I'm kid of hungry.  Oh look, the girls's Halloween chips are here in our bedroom, I'll just have a little bag to tie me over."

7:20 - "I love Netflix.  How I Met Your Mother at 7:00 in the morning is awesome.  Hmm, I'm still kind of hungry.  Just one more bag of chi... what the hell??  I ate all of them?  All 7 bags??!?  Faaaack!"

8:30 - "Okay, I guess I should get up now and get shit accomplished.  I want to clean the kitchen today, that's my goal.  I really don't feel like cleaning though.  Maybe I should check out Pinterest and see if I can find some inspiration..."

10:23- "Fuck!  Pinterest you are wasting my life away..."

10:30- "Okay, seriously, put down the computer and start cleaning."

12:00 - "Great, the dishes are done and the kitchen is clean.  Time for lunch.  Salad?  Nope.  Chicken and rice?  Nope.  Mr. Noodle?  Oh hells yes."

12:05 - "Oh, Danny's home for lunch.  Hi Danny.  Yes, I'm eating Mr Noodle.  Because it's freaking awesome, that's why.  What?  Why is there a bowl filled with empty chip bags sitting on our bed???  Umm... look, I cleaned the kitchen, ta-da!!"

12:35 - "Okay, Danny's gone back to work so I have until 5:00 to get the laundry put away and maybe have a little nap."

1:00 - "There are 3 baskets filled with the girls' clothes.  How do they own this many clothes?  How do they wear this many clothes?  Okay, turn on The Good Wife while I fold... that'll keep me distracted."

1:55 - "Oh a text from Danny... 'hi babe.  Just took me an hour to fold the girls' clothes.  WTF? lol'"

1:56 - "Hmm... I'm kind of hungry.  Oooh, nachos!  I'm going to make some nachos! Saa-weeet!"

2:05 - "Holy crap, these nachos smell delicious.  I can't wait!  'Get. In. Ma. Bellllly!'  Oh shit, is that Danny pulling in?  Oh, hi babe!  Heh. heh. heh.  Yup, these nachos are for me.  Yes.  All of them.  Yes, an entire plate full.  What else did I eat today?  Umm, 7 bags of chips and a Mr. Noodle.  And now this ginormous plate of nachos.  Ahhhh... want one?"

2:15 - "Might as well watch some more TV for a bit while I clean... this plate of nachos."

3:45 - "What the hell was that?  My phone?  Oh crap.  I must have fallen asleep.  Okay.  Time to get up.  Maybe get dressed.  I should probably brush my teeth too.

4:15 - "Okay, time to get the girls.  Gym pants or jeans.  Gym pants or jeans?  Ah hell, gym pants.  Also, these slippers have hard bottoms, so I think I'll just wear these too."

5:00 - "Yes, I know that you're hungry.  And I've been home all day, so you know I've whipped up something delicious for supper.  What is it?  What are we having?  Ummm.... scrambled eggs!  With cheese! Yummy!  Yes, you do like scrambled eggs.  Yes you do.  Well you're going to eat them anyway, because I spent all day making them!"

The rest of the night was pretty uneventful too.  We took the girls to the mall.  Put them to bed.  Cleaned the kitchen.  Yes, again.  Because heaven forbid the kitchen stay clean for longer than 2 hours at a freaking time!!  I went to a friend's house for some girl chat, got a text from Danny at 8:05 saying he was exhausted and going to bed and asking if I could make the girls' lunches for the next morning.  Got home around 10:30, made the lunches.  Realized I wasn't tired at all.  Pinterested till 11:45 and went to bed, ready to start my nice relaxing Day 2 of vacation... wait, I was up at 6:00 a.m. again?  Epic meltdown of all time?  Ugghh... day 2 isn't looking so hot!!!

That Yucky Love Thing...

A few months ago we bought Gracie a new book.  It's called "That Yucky Love Thing."  It's about a boy who is grossed out by all the yucky love stuff going on around him so he escapes to the sea, the jungle, the moon, and finally a deserted island to get away from it.  There he meets Sam, a girl who has also escaped the yucky love stuff.  Of course, they end up holding hands in the end.  Yuck.  Double Yuck.

Wanna know why I'm remembering this book right now?  Because a little while ago, I wrote about how people post the most personal crap on Facebook.  I talked about fights, custody battles, temper tantrums, and all sorts of bad behaviour.  But I forgot one.  That yucky love stuff.

"Dear Boyfriend.  I love you so, so, so much.  My world was a dark empty hole before you came along to light up my life. xoxooxox *heart symbol *winky face"

Yuck.

"Dear Girlfriend.  You are so incredibly amazing and are the sexiest woman in the whole entire world.  I'm so blessed to have you in my life, and I would just shrivel up and die if we ever had to spend more than a few minutes apart. xoxoxo *kissy face *heart symbol"

Double yuck.

There are only a few reasons to post shit like that on Facebook.  One... for the "likes" you'll get.  Nothing like having 36 thumbs-up to tell you how amazing you're being to your significant other.  Two... to impress the person you're gushing about.  Three... dear single people, HAHAHA!  And four... you really think you're being sweet and genuine and Facebook is the perfect forum to spout sonnets to your lover.

Reason #1 - For every like you're getting, there are four of us throwing up in our mouths a little.

Reason #2 - She's amazing, we all get it.  Try whispering it in her ear, it's way more romantic. If they're as amazing as you say they are, they probably don't want to read about it on Facebook anyway.

Reason #3 - Obviously you're happy.  And a little while ago, maybe you weren't.  So why not show all the other miserable people how miserable they still are!  You just want to rub it in... a little bit!

Reasons #4 - I have a feeling that in a few months when this yucky love stuff wears off, you'll be the same ones with statuses like this: "My heart is broken in a million pieces and I don't think I'll ever be whole again.  Don't want to talk about it.  Going to cry myself into oblivion now! *broken heart symbol *sad face *teary face"  Or maybe this one "Skank gone and left me for another man.  Who the hell does she think she is?  Karma's a bitch, and you'll get what's yours you piece of..."  When you get to this point in your life, read this.

Don't get me wrong, I love love.  I think it's stupendous!  I think it's fabulous!  I think it's what keeps me going most days.  But share it with the whole wide world, day after day after day, and it gets awfully yucky.  I tell Danny I love him every day, often more than once.  But I don't profess it for the whole world to see... or when I do, it's when I find a funny, romantic, totally me way to tell him... like this:

I'm pretty convinced that the only people who love our yucky love stuff are Danny and me.  Sure, people are happy that we're happy.  But for the most part, nobody else could give a crap if the light in my life is shining a little brighter because my smoochy poo is the most amazing, incredible blessing I have ever had the pleasure of loving.  When people read that crap, we all collectively barf.  And there's nothing romantic and uplifting about barf.

But for the record:  Danny, you truly are the most amazing thing to ever happen to me, and I don't know where I would be without your love and support.  I love that you love me, no matter how crazy I act, no matter how much I curse, and no matter how much I hate that yucky public love stuff.  I'll love you forever, and for always.  xoxoxox. :) :) :) :) :)  <3 <3 <3

Giving Thanks... with sarcasm.

Well Thanksgiving weekend is over... we're on to the next holiday, Halloween!  And as much as we're looking forward to dressing the girls up and taking them around the neighbourhood so we can enjoy some free candy, I feel as though I should give thanks for the blessings we celebrated this past weekend.

We decided to head up to Gagetown to spend Thanksgiving with my parents.  They are always travelling to see us, so we decided to make the 5 1/2-hour trip ourselves this time.  I'm thankful to my husband, for convincing me that was a good idea.

I had to work until noon on Friday, so Danny and the girls (and Charlie) met me at my office around 12:30 and we were off.  I had Danny stop to pick up some easy lunch to feed the girls (chicken nuggets and french fries - not at all healthy, but a helluva lot cleaner to eat in the car than a chicken wrap and apple sauce!).  I doled out the food to the girls, and off we went.  Since I was already in Kentville, the trip was half an hour shorter than I was expecting.  I'm thankful that I wasn't allowed to take the whole day off and spent my morning counting down the hours till lunchtime - hey, at least it saved me half an hour driving!

We hit the highway, and Gracie said "are we almost there yet?"  That's right... three minutes into our drive, and the questions started.  She also repeated that question at minute 5, 8, 11, 12, 13, 14, and 22.  I"m thankful my two-year old speaks so articulately, and with such volume. 

Have I mentioned before that Ella refuses to talk?  Apparently Gracie does enough talking for the both of them, so Ella has decided that screaming, grunting, and pointing is enough communication for her.  So she screeched and grunted her way through the next 2 hours of our drive.  Did I also mention that her nap time is at 1:00, and for the most part, my kids refuse to sleep in the car?  I'm thankful that after 2 hours of screaming and screeching, she finally fell asleep!

Gracie, for her part, was a pretty good traveller.  Around Truro we put on The Backyardigans, and except for the occasional verbal diarrhea, she was pretty great.  We stopped in Moncton for a snack for the kids, and made it to my parents' house just before 6:00.  I'm grateful for grandparents, on whom I unload my children and my dog, and who had a delicious pot of seafood chowder waiting for us when we arrived!

After 5 1/2 hours of driving, we attempted to put the children to bed at their regular time.  Ella went to bed pretty damn easily (I'm thankful for that - no sarcasm!).  Gracie had a total meltdown.  It was fun.  I'm grateful I slept downstairs and let my mom deal with the 3 a.m. wake-up call.  Sucker.

The weekend was pretty good.  On Saturday we went to the toy store (our children have never been in a toy store.  They were pretty amazed!), bought some tea, and went to Costco.  The girls had their regular naps, we played in the leaves, had a bonfire, and had an uneventful bedtime.  Sunday was pretty good too.  Dad and Grampy took the girls pumpkin picking (or, as Nanny says, "punkin"), Nanny and I went shopping, and we had a delicious turkey/roast beef supper.  I'm thankful that Ella is an incredibly picky eater who screeches and grunts and shakes her head "no" through every single meal while barely touching a thing... that means more leftovers for us.

On Monday we had breakfast (ooooh - I'm thankful for bacon.  I ate three packages throughout the weekend.  It. Is. Delicious. Yummy.), packed up and headed home.  Amazingly, our children were pretty close to silent for the first two hours of the trip.  We put on The Backyardigans, and they just zoned out until we reached Amherst.  I'm thankful we're crazy parents who only let our kids watch TV on the weekend because it means they stay incredibly entertained for two solid hours when travelling.

In Amherst we got lunch and while we were putting Gracie back in the car, she saw somebody smoking.  We told her that it was unhealthy, and yucky, and she was never, ever, ever, ever, allowed to smoke.  I'm thankful my two-year old has a such a strong mind of her own, because she promptly lost her shit, told us she was going to smoke when she got older, and she would decide for herself once she was a "big girl."  That was 10 minutes of pure tantrum throwing, screaming, grunting, and crying.  I'm thankful she's not a teenager.  Yet.

Gracie spent most of the next 3 hours being mostly really good.  Ella did not.  She screeched, and screamed, and cried, because heaven-forbid that girl have a freaking nap.  Just after New Minas, she let out one last scream and then passed out cold.  Danny also fell asleep, and Gracie watched her shows.  The last 20 minutes of the drive were pure heaven.

I'm thankful for restaurants, where we ate supper, and early bedtimes, which we all enjoyed.  The girls were in bed by 6:30, and Danny and I followed.  Although we watched TV for a bit, I'm fairly sure I was unconscious long before any adult should fall asleep.  I also slept through my alarm this morning and feel a little like death now.  Kids are exhausting, travelling is exhausting, and I'm exhausted.  But in all seriousness, I am thankful for my family; my kids, Danny, and my parents.  They're all pretty amazing, and give me lots of (serious) things to be thankful for! :)

Gracie the Un-Bully

I don't know if you all remember the issue we were having with Gracie earlier this year.  In case you don't, you can read about it here.  She was biting, and pinching, and hitting, and kicking, and spitting.  It was not a proud moment in my short life as a mother.  However, we spent some time working with her, and she very quickly gave it all up.

Fast forward 6 months, and Gracie is back up to no good.  She no longer bites or spits (thank GOD!!) but she has taken to picking on her friends.  When I pick her up from daycare, Nancy is telling me that she isn't being nice to the other kids and she wont let them play.  She's making other kids cry... again.

I know this is usual behaviour from kids her age... but I genuinely feel like this a huge teaching moment for our child.  In a world where kids are being bullied for the stupidest things, from the colour shirt they wear, to sexual orientation, to just being "different" from those doing the bullying, I decided to call it like it was.

"Gracie, do you know what a bully is?"

"No."

"A bully is someone who is mean to their friends and makes them cry.  Do you do this?"

"Yes.  Sometimes."

"Why do you that?"

"Because sometimes I don't want to play with *Barb so when she comes to play, I say NO!!  And sometimes I push her down because she wont go away."

"Do you do this to your other friends too?"

"Yes, sometimes I do."

"And do your friends cry?"

"Yes.  Sometimes."

"Well, when you make your friends cry on purpose, that's being a bully.  How would you like it if your friends wouldn't let you play with them?"

"I would be sad!"

"Well I bet that's how they feel too, when you wont let them play with you.  We have to be nice to our friends, Gracie.  Or else they wont want to play, and then you'll be sad."

"Okay, mommy.  I wont be a bully anymore.  I'll be a nice friend!"

On the drive to Nancy's the next day, we went over this again in the car.  Gracie got out and said she was going to be a good friend that day, and not be a bully.  And I am happy to say that so far, she's kept that promise!

A couple days ago, on our drive home, she told me about a little boy at Nancy's who was making the other kids cry...

"Mommy, John's being a bully to Abby.  He pushes her down and makes her cry."

"And what do you do when he does that?"

"I don't know."

"Well when you see someone else being a bully, you have to say 'don't be a bully!' and then tell an adult, like Nancy."

Yesterday Gracie was very excited to tell me "Mommy, John's not going to be a bully anymore.  Because I told him, 'No John!  We don't be a bully!  We have to be nice to our friends.  We don't make our friends cry on purpose!  And if he does it again, I have to tell Nancy, right mommy?"

You know, the girl may only two years old, but I think we're off to a great start.  The only thing worse than a bully are those that do nothing to stop it from happening.  So help me, if I teach my kids anything it will be to stand up for themselves, and for others who aren't strong enough to stand up on their own.  Gracie knows now what a bully is, and what she should do to stop it. At this age, a bully is someone who wont share the crayons... but the bullies are only going to get bigger and badder.  And I'm hoping that teaching Gracie this young will ensure that I have more conversations with her over the years about the bully she told to stop!

Vacation, Shmay-cation!

Oh Vacation... you are a cruel, torturous bitch!  

This week marked my first time off since returning from maternity leave more than seven months ago.  Other than a day here or there, I have been working like a dog since February, and was very much looking forward to my extra-long week off.  

I went to work Thursday morning, with the intention of being home by noon to enjoy an extra day-and-a-half tacked onto my week's vacation.  I arrived home Thursday afternoon ready to relax!  Until Charlie the wonder-pup wandered out of the guest room with wet feet. A pipe behind the wall had burst and our guest room was a soggy mess.  Danny knocked down the ceiling and put a bucket under the constant run of water, and we cursed a little.  Well, Danny cursed a little, and I cursed a lot (shocker!).  We decided we were just going to fix the leak itself and deal with the damage and renovations at a later time.  The next day my sister mentioned calling our insurance company.  The thought hadn't even crossed our minds, but by that afternoon, we had an adjuster in surveying the damage, the contractor from the restoration company arrived, and three industrial strength dehumidifiers were delivered that afternoon to start drying things out.

Although we had just had a disastrous leak on the first day of our vacation, things weren't looking too bad.  We realized that we were going to get new flooring, walls, and paint on the last room in the house to be renovated (a project we had scheduled to complete in late fall), and somebody else was going to do all the work and clean up all the mess.  It sounded pretty damn good to us!

Fast forward to Saturday, and a full day of dehumidifiers running in the house, and we were not a happy family.  The bathroom door was warped from the dehumidifier running all night, so it wouldn't close from the inside (it would only close if you pushed on the outside right-hand side while pulling it close).  That meant that not only did my children get a front row seat to bathroom time, now my husband would as well.  Fantastic.  Also, it was about 800 degrees in there.  When I entered the bathroom at 3:30 a.m. to have a pee, I thought it was the greatest thing on earth!  The room was warm, the toilet seat was heated.  It was heaven.  However, at 3:00 p.m., when it was 28 degrees outside and the humidex was over 30, it was hell.  I instantly broke into a sweat upon entering the bathroom, and had to explain to Gracie 243 times why the wall was torn apart, and what that big noisy machine was.  By Tuesday morning when we were ready to leave for our mini-vacation, we were all pretty hot and miserably cranky SOBs.  And deservedly so.

Now, back up to the day before we are ready to leave.  The workers are scheduled to arrive Tuesday morning to begin tearing down walls, ceilings, and tearing up floors.  The girls are scheduled to go to Nancy's for two days, and my sister is taking the dog for us.  Except she forgot to mention that to her husband, who has vetoed that decision at T-20 hours before vacation.  Up goes a desperate plea on Facebook.  Because the workers are going to be at the house, and because Charlie is nervous at the best of time, leaving her at home with strange people isn't an option, unless she is crated for two days... which also isn't an option.  Luckily, at around 5:30 that night, a friend came to our rescue and offered to take Charlie for us.  Disaster #23, averted!

Tuesday morning we delivered the kids to Nancy, and tried to kiss them goodbye.  However, Ella hadn't eaten yet and wanted nothing to do with anything except her breakfast smoothie, and it was pouring down rain which meant kids and parents were converging inside, in a little tiny entrance.  So we basically waved goodbye from the driveway and drove away from the kids for the first time ever without a proper goodbye.

We delivered Charlie to Jessica's house.  When we opened the door, Charlie's new friend, Coco, greeted us in proper doggy fashion.  She sat very quietly at my feet and gave me those big puppy dog eyes and wagged her tail.  She was adorable!  Charlie greeted her new friends by running through the front door (soaking wet, by the way), straight into the kitchen, back down the hall, jumping up on Jessica, spinning around the entrance three or four times, back into the kitchen, sliding into a wall, growling at Coco, jumping over an invisible fence, and crash landing at my feet where I finally got a hold of her collar and settled her down.  "Hello, Coco and Jessica. Have fun, and good luck with Charlie!"  And we high-tailed it out of there before they could change their minds! (For the record, Charlie apparently did pretty good with her new friends, thank goodness!)

We were finally on the road to the hotel, when the heavens opened.  I'm talking torrential down pouring, with lots of wind.  We had already decided to take our time on the drive and had planned on taking the Number 1, and I must say I was awfully glad we weren't on the highway in that weather! 

We arrived at the hotel around 11:30 a.m., and our room was available (yay!)  We headed up and got settled in and decided that after a quick little power nap, we were heading out to get some poutine!

It's a King-Size bed, hurray!

The hotel room. 

Bacon and mushroom poutine.  Delicious!

We came back to the room and planned the rest of the day.  We were going to have a little rest, then head for supper.  The Maxwell's Plum (right across from the hotel) had a really good deal on wings after 10 p.m., and over 60 beers to choose from, so we were going to head there as well.  We ended up napping all afternoon, heading to supper around 5:30, and then coming back to the room to relax again.  Around 9:00 Danny said he wasn't going to make it much longer, so we headed out to pay double for the wings, and we were in bed asleep by 10:30.  Cause we're cool like that.

The next day we had planned on doing some shopping, eating, and catch a movie that night.  We started shopping and were interrupted by a phone call from the babysitter telling us she had forgotten about an appointment that she had scheduled that evening and wondering whether someone could take the girls so she could go to her appointment.  Of course, panic set in, and I called my sister who told me she was working.  She told me that my parents were on their way down, and I called them.  Of course, they would pick up the girls!  After a few stressful minutes, I called the babysitter back and told her it was all looked after.  A few hours later, I get some weird messages from my mom wondering why the babysitter had given them all the bags for the girls, and wondering when they were supposed to take the girls back to her, since Nancy hadn't told them.  I couldn't get a hold of the sitter, so I sent my mom back over there, who discovered that Nancy had assumed that my parents would just keep the girls, since they were here.  The problem with that assumption is that we had suffered a massive leak in our guest room, which was now torn apart, and our house was about 10,000 degrees, since the restoration people had set up giant heaters to dry out the walls.  After texts, and phone calls, and a major cursing tantrum, everything was worked out, and it was decided my parents would keep the girls after all.

The rest of the time at the hotel was pretty uneventful (thank God!).  The next day (today) we decided to meet my parents for lunch in Dartmouth Crossing to celebrate my birthday.  I believe my exact words to my mother were "but you don't know Dartmouth Crossing" to which she replied, "yes I do."

I got a text from her at 11:30 saying "Okay, we're here."  Quickly followed by "Or maybe not.  Is Dartmouth Crossing at Exit 4B?"  I'm sorry, where?  I called my mom, who was wondering why it was called Dartmouth Crossing, if it was so close to Bedford.  Apparently my mom saw a Walmart and though she had arrived.  Apparently my dad had tried to tell her otherwise, but my mom said, "Leslie, just trust me, I know where I'm going."  Once she had to admit she was wrong, we had to figure out where the hell they were and how to get them back on track.  They decided that the easiest thing was to go into Halifax to get turned around (I don't understand that logic either), and we got them back on the highway into Dartmouth.  We explained again the directions and told them to call when they got there.  When they were close, they called to check in.  I said, "you'll see Dartmouth Crossing and you just swing a right and you're right there."  A few minutes later, when they still hadn't arrived, I called again.  My mom answered the phone with "I know, we took the wrong fucking exit again and now we're heading back into Dartmouth."  After getting her calmed down, we realized that they were actually just down by Walmart, but my mom was concerned that all of the "highways" would send her back into Dartmouth or Halifax.  I told them to just pull over somewhere, anywhere! and we would come find them.  We found them in the Costco parking lot and lead them over to Jack Astors where we enjoyed a lovely lunch.  We sent them back on their way to New Brunswick, and apparently they've made it there (although how they ever manage to find their way anyway, I have no idea!).

We headed for home, when the heavens opened up, again, and we drove all the way in the pounding rain.  We picked up the dog, the girls, and we went out for my birthday supper.  And now, here I am, in bed, at 8:00 p.m.  Vacations are overrated.  I am exhausted and, quite frankly, I need a vacation to recover from this vacation!

La Vacation!

Know what today is?  My last day of work before... vacation!!!  I'm a little excited.  Okay, a LOT excited!  I came back to work after having Ella when she was six months old.  She's now 13 months old, and with the exception of a week off in April when I was dealing with a really shitty illness, I've only had an odd day off here and there.  So I'm thrilled to be having 10 1/2 whole days off!

Work has been incredibly busy and hectic for me this summer, so vacation kind of snuck up on me.  And you know what, I liked it that way!  Just this past weekend I said to Danny, "Oh my God!  We're on vacation next week!  What are we going to do?!"  He didn't realize how quickly vacation time had snuck up either, because he had forgotten to put his leave pass in at work!  Good thing he was able to get the time off anyway!

We talked about what our plans should be.  Should we take the kids to Upper Clements... that would be hard with Ella being so young, and being incredibly cranky if she misses her afternoon nap.  Should we take day trips to the south shore, so Ella can sleep in the car?  Then one of us (I can't even remember which one) said, "Wouldn't it be nice to go to Halifax for a couple of days, just the two of us?"  And that was it... the seed of getting-away-without-the-children was planted.  But who would watch the girls?  My parents are off galavanting across the country to see my brother in Petawawa.  Which left us with two options... my sister, and our babysitter Nancy.  I was debating which one to ask first.  If it was my sister, that would mean she would have to pack up and go to our house for two days, since her place isn't exactly set up for two under three!  I played it back and forth in my mind, still not completely convinced that going away for two days was really necessary, especially without the girls!

On Monday, I arrived at Nancy's house and as soon as we got out of the car, she said, "I missed the girls this weekend!  I was going to call and ask to steal them for a sleepover, but I thought that would make me look a little crazy."  Wait, what?  You wanted them for a sleepover?? Could it be... fate?? 

"Well..." I said, "about that."  Nancy's eyes lit up! "Danny and I were thinking about heading to Halifax next week for two nights." "YES!' Nancy said.  She didn't even need me to finish the sentence... that was it, the deal was made!  Before I had time to realize what had just happened, I had committed myself to a three-day/two-night vacation in Halifax... without any kids!

I got back in the car, and endured a slight moment of panic before euphoria set in!  Holy shit, Danny and I were going away.  Without kids.  Not just for one night, but for two!!  Holy shit. Holy Shit. HOLY SHIT!  I was beyond excited!  As soon as I got to work, I texted Danny and told him we were free to have our little get-away.  He responded with equal enthusiasm, "awesome."  Okay, so you have to know Danny to know that's pretty enthusiastic of him!

I started looking up hotels and quickly realized that not only were we getting away for a couple of days, we were going to pay a month's mortgage to do it.  Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit.  Oh well, it's the first time in nearly three years that we've been away, so we might as well splurge (though we are taking donations, if anybody is interested!).

I know exactly how the two days are going to play out.  We're going to drop the kids off at Nancy's next Tuesday.  They will completely ignore us as we try to give goodbye hugs and kisses, because let's be honest... they wont even know we're gone!  We'll drive to Halifax, have lunch somewhere amazing (probably the poutinerie... do you know they sell poutine smothered in bacon!!!!!), check into the hotel, and collapse onto our king-size bed and marvel at the space and silence in the room. Then we'll probably fall asleep and waste the rest of the evening dreaming about our kids and the life we left behind.

The next morning we'll sleep in.  Well, I wont exactly sleep in, but there's no way in hell I'm getting up at 5:30!  But knowing my mommy-trained body, I will wake up by 7:00 at the latest, where I will toss and turn until finally deciding to wake Danny up around 8:30 or 9:00, to which he'll exclaim "Sammy, we're supposed to be sleeping in!!"   My only plans for our two days is to get out and enjoy the sun, and eat.  I love food.  I love food so much, I could probably spend the whole two days bouncing from restaurant to restaurant, until I've tried a little bit of everything.  We might see a movie.  Oooh... maybe even a late show!  Maybe we'll even stay out until midnight... or later!!  The possibilities are endless!

And when the two days are over, we will drive home and stop at Nancy's to pick up the girls.  They will greet us like they always do... Gracie will run across the lawn with her arms wide open screaming "Mommy!!  Daddy!" and Ella will point and scream as loud as she can "Da-da-da-da-da-da!!"  We'll hug them and Gracie will tell us how much she missed us.  We'll present them with the presents that we surely are going to buy for them, then we'll head home.  Gracie and Ella will get in a screaming match over a toy, Charlie will pee on the floor with excitement, Ella will dump her supper on the floor, Gracie will knock over her milk at least twice during supper, Ella will have a gigantic poop that seeps up to her ears, Gracie will say "mommy" at least 300 times, Ella will trip over her own feet no less than a dozen times, and Gracie will cry when it's time for bed.  There will be no doubt in our minds that our vacation is over and we're back to our normal lives... but, ahh, what a sweet little life it is!

A Public Embarrassment...

Well we've finally reached that age... the age where Gracie embarrasses us in public.  I knew it was coming, but I wasn't prepared.  It seemed like it came out of nowhere!  One day she was our sweet little girl, the one who strangers smiled at and "ooohed" and "awwwed" over.  The next day, strangers looked at us with sympathy, and a little twinkle in their eye because they wanted to laugh out loud at us, but knew that they shouldn't!

Looking back, I guess I should have seen the signs.  It probably started the day I picked her up at Nancy's... I picked her up to give her a big hug and she farted.  She laughed and laughed, and said "Mommy, I farted on your arm!"  I told her that was gross, so she squeezed out another one, twice as loud!  "I farted, I farted, and pee-ewww!  That stinks!"  The other parents all giggled.

Last week we were out for supper and while we were waiting for our food, an older lady with gray hair sat at a table behind us.  Gracie stared at her for a while and then turned around and whispered something.  I couldn't make out what she said so I asked her to speak up (my mistake!).  "That lady's a witch mommy!  She's a witch!  A witch!  A WITCH!!!"  The lady just stared at us, and I stared at Gracie with my mouth open.  Danny looked at me and said "What did she say?"  Gracie heard him ask, so she repeated herself, loudly.  I told Gracie, "That's not a witch, it's just a lady." but she wouldn't believe me!

Last night we went swimming with Gracie's bestest friend, Jayden.  Jayden is so sweet and loving, and always greets Gracie so excitedly.  Gracie just covers her face and pretends Jayden doesn't exist.  That's embarrassing enough for me!  But when we were in the pool, Gracie and Jayden were throwing a ball back and forth.  Ella was sitting on the edge of the pool with Jayden's mom, and screeched at Gracie.  So Gracie yelled at her, "Ella, you're such a shithead!"  Jayden's mom looked more than a little surprised by the language, and I just shook my head and took Gracie aside for a little discussion about name calling (and swearing).  I swear, we don't teach her to curse like that, she just picks it up from her horrible mother and spits it back out when we least expect it!

A little while later I noticed Gracie hunched over in the shallow end of the pool.  "What are you doing, Gracie?" I asked.  "Playing with my bird!" Not the answer I was expecting.  And yet, loud enough for lots of people to hear!  And yes, ladies and gentleman, we use "bird" instead of "vagina" because vagina is just not a word I want to hear come out of my toddler's mouth.  Let the scarring and therapy sessions begin! 

So apparenly my daughter has no filter.  At least that's what I've started to learn over the past couple of weeks.  Whatever is on her mind, comes out of her mouth.  I have to be prepared for this from now on... as she learns more words and becomes more aware of people around her, I'm sure the things she screams will only become more embarrassing.  I plan to keep a record of everything she says that embarrasses me so that when she's a teenager, I can use them on her!  I can't wait til I drop her off at a friend's house and she turns to me and say, "Mom.  What are you doing?" And I can just imagine the expression on her face when I yell back, "Playing with my bird!"